When my wife was in difficult labor with our first child, I said, “just ignore the pain.”

The fathers and mothers reading this recognize that is absolutely not true.  The fathers know that no man witnessing labor would be foolish enough to utter that, and the mothers know if he had the audacity to do so, he’d no longer be around to tell the tale.  Childbirth is nothing to brush aside; it is one of the most intense experiences a woman can endure, and the pain cannot simply be ignored.

You do not have to be a mother to understand this concept; many of us know what it is to experience unignorable pain.  In those moments, platitudes feel dishonoring; phrases like “smile, it’ll be okay” not only fall short, but can make things worse.  Some pain cannot be avoided.

That type of pain can also feel permanent, unable to be forgotten.  The reverberation and lasting trauma seem to surface even years later; it is the pain that keeps on giving.

What if it could be forgotten?

As Jesus approached his crucifixion, he was aware of the growing pain amongst his disciples as their ministry grew harder, and knew the pain they would endure when they witnessed him arrested, tortured, and murdered.  In response, he said this:

“A woman giving birth to a child has pain because her time has come; but when her baby is born she forgets the anguish because of her joy that a child is born into the world.”
John 16:21

In his time, childbirth existed without calming rooms, epidurals, and accommodations; there was no avoiding the pain of labor.  For many mothers of his time, this pain could take them to the verge of death, beyond anything they had either experienced or imagined; and then… it was over.

As these mothers survived the childbirth and held their baby, they forgot the anguish of mere moments before as it was replaced by a joy that their child was born into the world.  It was not only that the pain had ended, but that it had resulted in something miraculous.

The pain of childbirth is immense, and yet the joy of a newborn is greater.  Your hardship may be immense, and yet God “is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine.” (Ephesians 3:20)

I could land the plane here, and tell you, “just ignore the pain, because in the end it will be better,” but just as that would not have worked for my wife, it will not work for you.  We can understand that the pain will be worth it or will at least eventually end, but it does not change that it hurts now despite our efforts.  Jesus knew this to be true with the disciples as well:

“Very truly I tell you, you will weep and mourn while the world rejoices. You will grieve… Now is your time of grief…”
John 16:20,22a

Jesus did not sugar-coat or diminish the reality that they would weep, mourn, and grieve; he did not deny their anguish.  He named that their pain was real, and affirmed their journey through it.

We, on the other hand, can be quick to sugar-coat, diminish, or dismiss the pain of others.  Platitudes become our way of avoiding discomfort and suffering.  If you’ve been on the receiving end of this, you know that you did not need someone to offer faux-peace or solutions, you longed for them to acknowledge your reality and sit with you in the midst.

What Jesus is revealing is that pain is not something to be avoided or manipulated, nor is it something to which we should succumb.  Pain is a reality, and it is also not the end of the story.

So with you: Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy. In that day you will no longer ask me anything. Very truly I tell you, my Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete.
John 16:22-24

Reader, now may be your time of grief, but Jesus is real and present, preparing for you a joy that no one will take away.  This is not simply eternal life; the fact Jesus talks about his disciples asking and receiving from the Father means this joy is also for today, in our earthly lives.  “Your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.” (Matthew 6:10)  Your present pain is real, and God will do something miraculous in this life to alter your understanding of reality, producing joy.

However, we can’t get there if we do not accept His work.

The disciples did not forget their anguish until they embraced the living Christ.  While they still believed him dead they lamented; it wasn’t until they accepted the miraculous, unexpected. eternal work of the Father that they were ready for it to forever change their understanding.

In the course of moments I watched my wife go from her deepest expressions of pain to her most authentic expression of joy as our son was placed in her arms; when she embraced her miraculous newborn she knew life was forever changed, and it was worth the journey.  She could recount the pain, but it no longer had a hold on her; the memories could still be accessed, but forever lost an active, forefront placement in her mind.  All of fear’s lies of “you can’t do this,” and “you won’t make it,” were proven false as she held the fruit of her labor, and the anguish of its power became effectively forgotten.

Today’s pain will one day be forgotten; though the experience could still be recounted, it will be but a passive story.  I cannot tell you how long your labor will last, but I know it will pass, and “your joy will be complete.”

“Where, O death, is your victory?
Where, O death, is your sting?”

The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. 57 But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.

Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.
1 Corinthians 15:55-58