There are many moments in life that do not make sense — tension with a loved one, divisive politics, conflicting pursuits — which leave us wondering why God allows such confusion.

The following is from a conversation with a friend.

I was thinking today of how prone we are to believe that our understanding of life accurately defines reality; it makes sense, of course, because we have ample logic and experience to back up any of our perspectives. When we hear our understanding affirmed by others, it bolsters our resolve; when we encounter someone who’s logic and experience seems off or even opposing, its easiest to dismiss/ignore/oppose them.

This is why broken relationships can feel so irreparable, and politics so messy… they are often navigated solely from a human understanding of reality, rather than grasp of actual reality.  Jesus had that grasp.  Throughout his ministry, he spoke about a “full life” that is somehow separate and different from our current life, and of an eternity that breaks apart our understanding of time and purpose. He lived by a set of rules and from an understanding that looked like foolishness at best, and dangerous at worst — after all, he was brutally murdered — and called us to follow his lead, saying we are “in, not of the world.” In fact, those who pressed in discovered, as Paul did, that its not simply a matter of living differently; as to the law he was blameless, yet missed the mark, because the invitation is not simply to live or think differently, but to BE different on every level — heart, mind, soul, and strength — a task impossible for man but not God.

So here we are, trying to navigate these difficult topics, tense relationships, and divisive events, still humans in a human world, yet invited to be something else at the same time: Ambassadors entering eternity who exist solely to represent the King. What can make for a robust theological discourse can seem confusing and frustrating in the day to day decisions; when we get it wrong (“I do not understand what I do, for what I hate to do I do…” Romans 7) we wrestle with why and how we did so (that is, if we are humble enough.)

This leaves us asking an abundance of questions that rarely seem adequately answered, which leads me to ask: am I asking the wrong questions? I’m learning more and more just how rarely I will “figure it out” in any given situation, and in the hardest moments all that is available to me is to lay every bit of everything — even my good hopes and my “solid” theology — at Jesus’ feet and say “here I am”… even if he’s given no clarity around where he’s sending me. And then I will do it again tomorrow, and the next day… as a human feeling perpetually feeling that I am never arriving, yet in my soul growing to understand the reality that the act of humbling myself at his feet constantly IS the arriving we are called to.

There is, then, no real answers to any of this EXCEPT him, and our human minds find that wholly insufficient, because we do not actually understand what he is doing!

Thanks be to the God who is eternally patient with us!