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In 2025, I found myself
wrestling with frustration that

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God was not giving me joy.
And then God very patiently told

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me what was actually happening.
It wasn’t that he was

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withholding joy, it was that I
was rejecting it.

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What followed was an invitation
to spend 30 days looking at 30

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passages on Joy and turning it
into a devotional called

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Rejecting Joy No longer.
You’d think I would have learned

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that coming into 2026, I was
wrestling with hope.

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God, why are you making me so
hopeless?

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And God very patiently let me
know the reality.

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He wasn’t withholding hope.
I was rejecting it.

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And so now here I am, spending
30 days looking at 30 passages

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on hope.
And my hope is that this

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encourages you.
One thing that’s different this

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year is I felt like God was
inviting me to be publicly

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transparent with my processing.
To actually go live on social

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media, pull out a random verse,
and then read and process

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through it on camera.
This isn’t me coming to you as

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an expert on hope, but me coming
to you honestly as someone

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wrestling with hope.
And by witnessing that some of

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you might feel less alone, may
feel seen and understood, may

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end up being encouraged in a way
that is far deeper than the best

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platitude.
So join me as I spend 30 days

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navigating 30 passages on Hope.
This is day one.

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You’re listening to episode 208
of the Where Did You See God

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podcast.
I’m

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going to pray first, then Grand
One went randomly and read it,

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and then just sit and invite the
Spirit and process it.

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However, will I continue to do
this?

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I don’t know.
It feels a lot safer to just do

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it in the comfort of my own
little quiet time.

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But here we are and here we go
and we pray.

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I just want to thank you that
you were gone.

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You were good.
This is me taking a step of

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obedience, particularly on a day
that didn’t get good sleep.

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And I’m frustrated about things
and I’m saying here I am.

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So Holy Spirit, I invite you to
move and what verse comes to the

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table, how I sit with it, how I
process it.

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And I thank you.
If there is anybody that is

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watching this live or watches
this later, do you pray, Holy

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Spirit, that you would move with
them?

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Whether I hear about it or not,
all this we pray in my holy

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name.
Amen.

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All right, I just randomly
grabbed one out.

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I don’t know what it is going to
be.

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Yeah.
Lamentations.

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Buckle up, folks.
All right, so this is the

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Lamentations 324.
The Lord is my portion, says my

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soul.
Therefore, I will hope in him

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and I laugh because something
I’ve said a few times, many

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times is sometimes it can be
very hard to to hope in God

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because there are ways that I
expect him to move, want him to

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move, hope him to move and
doesn’t seem like he does it.

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And sometimes it seems like the
opposite happens.

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And I’ve hit points where I
realized if, if this moment had

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happened a decade, 2 decade go
decades ago, 3 decades ago, I

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might have had a significant
crisis of faith.

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Because there would have been
ample evidence in my mind that

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God must not be real, or must
not be loving, or I must not be

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a good Christian because the
things aren’t coming together.

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And what has kept me from
falling in that place even in

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the hardest moments over the
last year in particular, is, is

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there a ways that I feel like
God has shown himself?

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Now the caveat is, is it feels
like bread crumbs.

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It’s not the big miracle that I
felt like I needed that I felt

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like he could do that I felt
like he should do.

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But a little breadcrumb, a
little tiny thing that’s, that’s

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not nothing.
I mean, it’s clear that

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someone’s been eating here, but
it’s not enough to feed me.

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It’s on the floor, so I don’t
want to eat it.

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Maybe a mouse left it.
And so I’ve seen all these bread

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crumbs from God and I’m just
kind of following them and

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picking them up.
And I just keep saying, all

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right, God, so when can I have
some bread?

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I’m hungry.
When can I have some bread?

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How long, O Lord, will you just
give me bread crumbs?

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It also makes me think of the
woman that Jesus is talking to

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who was not Jewish and yet she
came to Jesus.

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She had faith in Jesus.
And Jesus really knew the words

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he was saying was very
intentional.

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And so he said to her, well, you
know, I came for the, the Jewish

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people and, and he said
something to the effect of, you

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know, not throwing bread to the
dogs.

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And some people read that and be
like, Oh my goodness, Jesus,

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that was insulting.
That was off base.

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But he knew he what he was
saying, but also who he was

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saying it too.
He knew he, she could hear the

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deeper meaning.
And she says something to the

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effect of, well, even the dogs
eat the crumbs from the ground.

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And it was a display of her
faith that she understood who

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Jesus was.
She understood who she was and

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she understood how undeserving
in some ways she might be of of

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this spiritual leaders attention
and miraculous power.

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But what she knew about Jesus is
that his love could extend to

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even her.
So I’m thinking about all these

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things and I read this passage
to the Lord is my portion says

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my soul.
Therefore I will hope in him.

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So a few immediate thoughts, The
Lord is my portion and I

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immediately thought of the bread
crumbs and it does not feel like

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a sufficient portion.
It reminds me of I recently

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showed one of my kids the old
Disney cartoon Mickey and the

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Beanstalk or some some form of
that title.

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And it starts off with Mickey,
Goofy and Donald.

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And it’s clear they are living
in destitution.

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I mean, the farm is depleted.
It’s clear there’s been a

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drought.
The cow is like thin, too thin

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to eat.
And all they’ve got is like a

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slice of bread and one bean.
And so Mickey like slices it

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into these thin transparent
slices and puts it on each

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plate.
Donald loses his mind And

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Mickey’s like, oh, Donald,
don’t.

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And I think of that like that
was not sufficient.

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That was not a sufficient meal.
The Lord does not feel my my

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portion sometimes.
But this is the second thing

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that strikes me.
It’s not the author necessarily

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saying, and it says the Lord is
my portion says my soul.

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You know, we’re supposed to love
the Lord our God with all our

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heart, soul, mind and strength.
So there’s these different

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components of who we are and how
we operate.

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And in this case, this is being
said by the soul, not the body,

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not the mind.
My mind tells me that God’s not

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showing up in certain ways.
My body feels the ramifications,

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does not feel like God’s showing
up in certain ways.

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But could it be that my soul is
more aware of God’s provision

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than the rest of me is?
And if so, how do I listen to my

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soul a little better?
The Lord is my portion, says my

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soul.
Therefore I will hope in Him.

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So the action follows the claim.
The claim is the Lord is my

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portion.
And so, because that is true,

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because the Lord is my portion,
I will hope in Him.

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So I don’t know what I think of
this verse today because it

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feels aspirational, but it is
the first verse that I pull out

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on a day that I do not feel like
the Lord is my portion.

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I pull out Lamentations 324.
The Lord is my portion, says my

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soul.
Therefore I will hope in Him.

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So here’s my encouragement to
you.

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But really, I’m talking to
myself.

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It is possible for the Lord to
be my portion and may not

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realize it.
It is possible for me to feel

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like God is not enough.
And it’s also possible for 3/4

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of me to believe that, but 1/4
of me, my soul, to be able to

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actually see what is truly true,
what is actual reality, to

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actually know that the Lord is
our portion.

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You know, David talks about it
in an interestingly different

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way.
He’s talking about how messed up

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everything is.
And he says in 42 five, Psalm 42

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five, why are you downcast?
Oh my soul, why are you

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disturbed within me?
And I will put my hope in God,

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my rock and my shield, something
like that.

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That might not be verbatim, but
in that case, he’s actually

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talking to his soul and saying
soul, get it together.

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Like you’re downcast, but you
don’t need to be.

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It sounds like in that case, the
mind is the one like he, he

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knows who God is.
He is experiencing things in his

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body and his soul is downcast,
but his mind knows that God is

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his rock and shield and
protector and it’s calling us

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all out.
So maybe that’s another piece of

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this, you know, love the Lord
your God with all your heart,

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soul, mind and strength.
Maybe those pieces exist to one,

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00:10:56,280 –> 00:11:00,320
recognize things that the others
might, but two, to support the

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others when they don’t.
So I would love for my soul, if

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it recognizes that the Lord is
my portion to bolster the other

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75% of me that’s struggling so
that then I can say, therefore I

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will, I’ll open him.
All right, So let me pray.

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Father God, I just want to thank
you that you were God and you

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were good.
I thank you for the ways that

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you work, and I thank you for
this passage.

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00:11:24,880 –> 00:11:28,760
I thank you that your word does
say that you are enough, that

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you are or are portioned, that
we will never be hungry.

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00:11:34,160 –> 00:11:37,920
And I concede that it is hard
for me to trust that and believe

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that sometimes I want to be able
to definitively say, therefore I

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will hope in you.
So if there’s a part of me that

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recognizes what is actually
true, help me to hear that part,

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00:11:53,200 –> 00:11:57,000
help me to trust that part and
help all of me to come into

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alignment so that I can actually
love you with all my heart,

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soul, my ministry.
Let’s bring this only precious

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name, Amen.
That’s it, folks.

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The Lord is our portion.
Let’s look for that today.