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In 2025, I found myself
wrestling with frustration that

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God was not giving me joy.
And then God very patiently told

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me what was actually happening.
It wasn’t that he was

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withholding joy, it was that I
was rejecting it.

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What followed was an invitation
to spend 30 days looking at 30

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passages on Joy and turning it
into a devotional called

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Rejecting Joy No longer.
You’d think I would have learned

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that coming into 2026, I was
wrestling with hope.

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God, why are you making me so
hopeless?

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And God very patiently let me
know the reality.

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He wasn’t withholding hope.
I was rejecting it.

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And so now here I am, spending
30 days looking at 30 passages

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on hope.
And my hope is that this

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encourages you.
One thing that’s different this

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year is I felt like God was
inviting me to be publicly

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transparent with my processing.
To actually go live on social

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media, pull out a random verse,
and then read and process

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through it on camera.
This isn’t me coming to you as

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an expert on hope, but me coming
to you honestly as someone

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wrestling with hope.
And by witnessing that some of

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you might feel less alone, may
feel seen and understood, may

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end up being encouraged in a way
that is far deeper than the best

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platitude.
So join me as I spend 30 days

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navigating 30 passages on Hope.
This is day 13.

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You’re listening to episode 220
of the Where Did You See God

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podcast.
Good morning, maybe for you.

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For me I am very exhausted.
So to give a little insight,

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short version of the story is
I’ve had just not great sleep

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for a couple years, found out I
have mild sleep apnea so at

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least I know what’s going on.
Unfortunately, the solution

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offered was C PAP machine just
in my third night.

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It’s not good folks.
My not taken to it.

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Something’s not doubting
correctly.

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I don’t know, but I went from
not having good sleep to having

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three nights of which is really
not good sleep.

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So I’m I’m I am exhausted, which
is why it’s good that I’m going

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to pray before we start because
it’s not contingent on me, but

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an opportunity for the spirit to
show up.

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Father God is just thinking that
you are God and you are good.

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We thank you for this space.
Thank you that though I am low

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energy, you are the source of
energy.

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So Holy Spirit move, Holy Spirit
move in the picking of the verse

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and the processing of the verse.
Pray that you would give me and

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anyone listening the ears to
hear what it is that you want to

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say today on hope.
Last prayer was holy name, Amen.

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All right, grateful for a short
verse today, but it’s coming

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from Job.
Job 1315.

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Yeah, though he slay me, I will
hope in him yet I will argue my

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ways to his face.
The second part’s just funny.

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Yeah, I’m going to honor God,
but I’m going to argue my ways

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to his face.
My initial reaction to this

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verse is remembering that this
this was one verse that I knew

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would need to be a part of this,
but is also one that I really

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sat with when I was having to
really stand against

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hopelessness, particularly
December, January, because it

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really felt like there are a lot
of ways that God could work to

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address some really big things
and he chose not to.

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And I happened to be going
through Job and part of that

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season in January.
You know, his is a rough story

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because not only did these
really awful things happen, he

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did not understand.
He was not giving any

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explanation.
So that’s hard.

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But then on top of it, he lived
in a culture where people

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assumed if bad things happened
to you, it’s because you did bad

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things.
And so they very gently, not

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really, they confronted him on
it.

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And then when he didn’t accept
their assertion that he was the

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issue, they got really annoyed,
frustrated, angry at him to the

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point where most of the book of
Job is arguments.

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So Job’s contending with all of
this, and yet the one thing that

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is solidified within him is the
character of God who had made no

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sense and his commitment to
honoring that character.

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I mean, his own wife came up to
him seeing not just all that had

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happened and maybe thinking he
must have done something because

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I know I didn’t.
And so maybe she’s mad at him

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for causing the death of her
children, lost of all their

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resources.
And then she can’t even look at

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him because he’s covered in
sores and legions and you know,

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pus coming out of wounds and and
she gets fed up and just says

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Job just curse God and die.
She’s done with him.

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She’s done with God.
And she is tired of him praying

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to this God because the first
thing he did when he got the

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news, like 3 or 4 back-to-back
to back horrendous messages as

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he got down and prayed to thank
God for being God.

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So this is solidified in him and
it was solidified in him before

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the tragedy struck.
And that’s important.

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How are we solidifying our
understanding of who God is,

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learning about His character
before the tragedy strikes?

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Because the gut stuff within us
comes out when we are at the end

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of ourselves or when we’re
facing death, or when dot, dot,

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dot, whatever we actually truly
believe is what comes out.

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The stuff that we were
pretending to believe.

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Putting a front round that’s not
going to last.

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Somehow Job had got into a place
where he truly believed God was

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a God of hope, even as he was in
the most hopeless situation of

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anybody in human history.
And what he decided is that

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really didn’t matter what
happened to him.

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I mean, God could kill him and
he would still hope in him.

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In other words, I got to a place
where I’m like, God, I don’t

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like any of this and I don’t
understand any of this.

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And I really do not feel like
you are showing me a lot of love

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right now.
Does not seem like you’re very

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present right now.
But you know what?

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Send the worst I’m I’m in, I’m
committed and that’s where I’ve

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gotten in my life is living for
God is I’m not even going to say

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a non negotiable because it’s
like I’m consciously still

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choosing.
It’s just it’s ingrained like

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it’s it is who I am now.
So you know, the worst can

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happen and it’s just resolved in
me like I’m going to believe in

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God and I’m going to let God be
God and God good.

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Now, like Job, I am still human.
So I will be resolved to believe

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in God and his power and love
and will still say yet I will

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argue my ways to his face.
I still expect God to explain

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himself sometimes that’s a hard
one to release.

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I mean, Job finally got there
when he encountered God, never

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got to argue his ways to his
face because God’s arguments

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were the most legit things ever.
When God expressed himself, he

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didn’t even to explain himself.
But when he expressed himself,

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Job suddenly realized the folly
and never questioning God, much

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less boldly saying he would
confront him, he realized how

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foolish that was, the God of the
universe.

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And Job felt like that God owed
him an explanation.

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That said, God was not surprised
by this, nor did he punish Job

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for this insolent behavior.
Instead, he restored everything.

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He walks Job through it.
He let Job be humbled.

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And he brought restoration
because he saw in the midst of

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it Job’s resolved to understand
God rightly and to serve him

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fully.
As opposed to the friends who

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had a lot of theology, but in
their theological assertions

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they tore up their brother and
their friend.

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And God was angry.
And it says though he understood

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Job’s positioning, but yet still
lovingly corrected him on it

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says that he was, he was not so
pleased with the three friends.

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And Job ended up praying on
their behalf and they got

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restoration.
But so maybe you’re not only

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going through hard stuff, but
you’re at the end of yourself.

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And it is really hard to believe
God exists.

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And if he does, it’s really hard
to want to pray to him.

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Maybe you’re in that place.
Job had nothing left and yet

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he’s still was able to lean in.
And, and the reason I think, and

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particularly for us and
particularly what I’ve seen in

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my life is in the moments where
I’m done, I’m done.

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Two things.
I have been trying to seek God

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for a while.
And the act of doing that,

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particularly in not awful
seasons, has built some

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spiritual muscle memory,
something that can kick in when

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the rest of me can’t go back to
day one.

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I believe it was where it says
something about hoping God says

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my soul and my reflection on
man.

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My soul is saying something. 75%
of me, my heart, mind and

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strength don’t believe or don’t
feel or don’t understand that

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that 25% recognizes a spiritual
reality that could be what’s

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going on in here is that our
soul can carry some weight that

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the rest of us can’t.
But the bigger thing ’cause

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that’s still, it’s the burden on
us.

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We have to just, you know, put
some dirt on it, get up, push

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through.
That’s not what I’m saying,

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because sometimes we we can’t,
we got nothing left.

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And that’s where the spirit
comes in.

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The spirit is able to do what we
can’t help us see what we can’t.

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And so that’s what I would say
is when you feel like you’re at

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the end of yourself and you’re
more in the argue my ways to his

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face than the though he slay me.
I will hope in him just praying

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about the Spirit.
Maybe you don’t even want to

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talk to God, but you can be like
Holy Spirit, pray on my behalf.

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There’s a verse that says that
that the Spirit can pray on our

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behalf with groanings that we
can’t understand.

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00:12:07,320 –> 00:12:14,720
Job 1315 Though he slay me,
Though he slay me, I will hope

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00:12:14,720 –> 00:12:18,440
in him.
Yet I will argue my ways to his

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face.
Though he slay me, I will hope

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00:12:22,360 –> 00:12:25,360
in him.
Part of our struggles, as we saw

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on a previous verse, build
something within us.

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Endurance builds character,
character, hope.

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00:12:32,600 –> 00:12:37,000
Hope will not fail us.
This, I will hope in Him is not

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a mere human resolve, nor is it
coming from mere humanity.

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It’s something bigger that God
is building within us.

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These these struggles are one of
the spaces in which that’s built

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because it forces us to have to
let go of the things that will

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not support us that we are
having more trust in.

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We see them for what they are
limited.

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And then if we’re really paying
attention, we look and suddenly

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find the unlimited right there
with us, loving us.

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00:13:04,800 –> 00:13:06,960
And that’s, that’s what we’re
putting our hope in.

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00:13:07,760 –> 00:13:09,440
Though he slay me, I will hope
in him.

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00:13:10,560 –> 00:13:11,720
I got it.
Just thank you that you were

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00:13:11,720 –> 00:13:12,520
gone.
You were good.

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00:13:12,520 –> 00:13:17,000
And for this word, we do just
acknowledge that it’s hard for

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us to be resolved to hope in you
because we base our

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00:13:19,760 –> 00:13:23,560
understanding of you, our
external circumstances, our

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00:13:23,560 –> 00:13:27,200
internal wrestling, rather than
who you actually are.

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00:13:27,640 –> 00:13:31,320
Help us not to frame you based
on our circumstances.

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00:13:31,320 –> 00:13:34,720
Help us to understand our
circumstances based on you.

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00:13:35,720 –> 00:13:38,040
Only you can get us to a place
that we can say, though he’s

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00:13:38,040 –> 00:13:40,600
slay me, I will hope in him.
And we want to claim that that

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00:13:40,600 –> 00:13:43,440
is what you were doing.
You were not just maturing us,

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00:13:43,440 –> 00:13:46,440
but making us whole, making us
into who you created us to be.

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00:13:47,040 –> 00:13:50,560
So we say here we are must frame
us only name Amen.