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In 2025, I found myself
wrestling with frustration that

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God was not giving me joy.
And then God very patiently told

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me what was actually happening.
It wasn’t that he was

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withholding joy, it was that I
was rejecting it.

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What followed was an invitation
to spend 30 days looking at 30

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passages on Joy and turning it
into a devotional called

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Rejecting Joy No longer.
You’d think I would have learned

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that coming into 2026, I was
wrestling with hope.

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God, why are you making me so
hopeless?

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And God very patiently let me
know the reality.

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He wasn’t withholding hope.
I was rejecting it.

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And so now here I am, spending
30 days looking at 30 passages

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on hope.
And my hope is that this

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encourages you.
One thing that’s different this

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year is I felt like God was
inviting me to be publicly

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transparent with my processing.
To actually go live on social

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media, pull out a random verse,
and then read and process

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through it on camera.
This isn’t me coming to you as

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an expert on hope, but me coming
to you honestly as someone

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wrestling with hope.
And by witnessing that some of

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you might feel less alone, may
feel seen and understood, may

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end up being encouraged in a way
that is far deeper than the best

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platitude.
So join me as I spend 30 days

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navigating 30 passages on Hope.
This is day 19.

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You’re listening to episode 226
of the Where Did You See God

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podcast.
Good morning, this is my tenth

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attempt to record this morning.
The first one went really well.

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The first fell right into my
lap.

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I felt I got really brought some
things to mind.

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It was great.
It was concise and the audio did

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not record at all.
No idea why.

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And then every subsequent
recording there has been some

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kind of issue to the point where
this is the third platform that

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I attempted to record from.
Got three kids downstairs,

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limited time my brain by God, I
thank you that you were God and

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you were good that you work
despite technology not working

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for the word that you brought
and I just pray right now you’d

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be honored to glorify Holy
Spirit move.

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If there’s something new that
needs to come out from what I

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shared before, I welcome you to
speak Last parents holy name,

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Amen.
My computer’s going wild.

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Really loud lawnmower outside.
If it’s getting my good mic, you

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might not hear all that.
If not, you will.

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Psalm 1/19, 1:14 You are my
hiding place and my shield.

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I hope in your word.
If you’ve been listening, you

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noticed that this is continuing
that theme of God’s word and all

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that thought I can barely hear
myself talk over computer

48
00:03:03,400 –> 00:03:05,360
sounds.
So fun y’all.

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You’ll notice the theme of hope
being attached to God’s word.

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You also, if you are an avid
psalmist, you already knew Psalm

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119 would be talking about the
word because Psalm 119 is all

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about the word.
It has the famous passage.

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Your word is a lamp unto my feet
and a light to my path.

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It is written I believe is an
acrostic.

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Each section is based on a
letter of the Hebrew alphabet I

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believe.
Another interesting thing about

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Psalm 119, if you don’t know, is
if people are choosing Psalms to

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read and you don’t like to read
much, be careful because someone

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before you might say, oh, I’ll
do Psalm 120, which is 7 verses,

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but you know how many verses?
Psalm 119 is 176, but we’re

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focused on the section
containing 114.

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So let me read that.
I hate double minded people, but

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I love your law.
You are my refuge and my shield.

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00:04:04,920 –> 00:04:08,880
I have put my hope in your word
away from me, you evil doers,

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that I may keep the commands of
my God.

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Sustain me, my God, according to
your promise, and I will live.

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Do not let my hopes be dashed.
Uphold me and I will be

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delivered.
I will always have regard for

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your decrees.
You reject all who stray away

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from your decrees, for their
delusions come to nothing.

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All the wicked of the earth you
discard like dross.

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Therefore I love your statues.
My flesh trembles in fear of

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you.
I stand in awe of your laws.

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All right, so 2 important things
here.

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But the big question and NIV
version captures it well.

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You are my refuge in my shield.
I have put my hope in your word.

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The question that this raises
for us is what are we putting

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our hope IN?
We want to say that we put our

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hope in God.
We want to say we put our hope

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00:05:01,000 –> 00:05:03,160
in his word.
But realistically, most of the

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time we are attaching our hope.
I don’t know if there’s

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knocking.
I don’t know what’s happening

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around.
There’s a lot of knocking

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happening.
Yeah, it’s a day.

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It is crazy.
I’m going to ignore the

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00:05:16,080 –> 00:05:17,880
knocking.
I don’t know what’s happening.

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My goodness, I just want to
record this.

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When we’re talking about, I’m
not talking about small hopes

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like, you know, I hope dinner’s
good tonight.

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I’m talking big life bound
hopes.

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We say we want to put our hope
in God, but often we’re basing

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our hope on what we see around
us, what we hear around us, what

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people are saying, what
expectations exist.

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There is a lot of influence
externally and internally that

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can shape our hope.
And what the psalmist is

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realizing is it’s easy for us to
put our hope in people.

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And there are people that are
double minded.

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Now here’s the problem.
You could be double minded

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00:06:00,040 –> 00:06:03,880
consciously and subconsciously.
Consciously is I’m, I’m going to

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say one thing.
I’m going to tell you, Oh yeah,

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00:06:05,240 –> 00:06:06,760
just come with me.
It’s going to be great.

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But I actually know it’s not
going to be great.

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I actually know it’s for my
benefit.

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I’m saying something.
The trick is so that I can get

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what I want.
That’s conscious, subconscious.

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So we constantly think and speak
in ways that are based more out

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of self preservation, that it is
off of reality.

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Our minds can reshape our
memories in order to protect

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ourselves, can close our ears so
we don’t hear certain stuff that

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goes against what we want to be
true.

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And so all of us have a tendency
to become double minded in one

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way or another.
And the psalmist is like, I hate

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it.
I hate it because it it, it, it

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can, it can lead me far astray,
but I love God’s law.

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God is my refuge in my shield,
put my hope in his word.

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What the psalmist is naming is
that people will always be

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limited, limited in their
understanding, limited in their

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intentions to this.
Just crash.

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00:07:06,200 –> 00:07:10,040
Oh my gosh, the screen’s not
even working now.

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00:07:10,040 –> 00:07:13,640
I’m going to get through this.
I’m going to get through this

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because here’s the thing, even
the smartest person in the world

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has only had a limited
experience of reality.

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I mean, they’ve only been alive
a certain amount of time.

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Maybe they’ve read a lot of
books, but they haven’t read all

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the books.
Like they can only access a tiny

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bit of knowledge on reality.
And even in their best moments,

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if they live a long life and
read all the books that they

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can, it’s still within their
lifetime, still based off of

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their understanding of that
lifetime, and still based off of

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a mind that can mislead them.
You know a heart, and the heart

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is deceitful above all things.
Who can trust it?

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We cannot put our big picture
hope on people because people

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are limited.
But God’s Word in the beginning

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was the Word, and the Word was
with God, and the Word was God.

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The Word has been there the
whole time.

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The Word was their creation.
Lawnmower is very loud.

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Where’s the Word was a part of
creation?

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So the word exists with an
eternity.

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God is all knowing, all
powerful, all loving.

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So what makes more sense?
To put our hope in the things

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that are limited and sometimes
misleading, double minded, or

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the thing that is God said I am
from the beginning through all

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eternity in all spaces, past,
present and future.

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That’s what the psalmist is
realizing is that if he’s

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putting his hope on his
understanding, on the

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understanding of others on what
things look like, if he’s

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putting his hope on this here
and now reality, it’s going to

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let him down.
But God is his refuge and

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shield.
He’s put his hope in his word

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00:08:58,200 –> 00:09:02,080
and he’s doing so without fully
seeing God work in the way that

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00:09:02,080 –> 00:09:06,920
he’s claiming he will because he
says sustain me, my God, uphold

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me.
You only say that if it’s not

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happening or if you’re not sure
it’s going to keep happening,

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and yet he’s he’s resolved to
still remain in that place.

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You reject all who stray from
your decrees, for their

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00:09:20,080 –> 00:09:23,000
delusions come to nothing.
He does not want to stray

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00:09:23,120 –> 00:09:26,600
because he knows that these
delusions of a reality outside

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of God’s reality will come to
nothing.

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00:09:29,480 –> 00:09:31,520
All the wicked of the earth you
discard like dross.

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00:09:31,520 –> 00:09:35,480
Therefore I love your statutes.
My flesh trembles and fear of

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you.
I stand in all of your laws.

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And that is the key.
This isn’t just because it’s a

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good idea.
His flesh trembles in fear of

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God.
He stands in all of his laws.

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He has such a deep awareness of
who God actually is that it’s

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not just intellectual.
It’s like in the moments of

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scripture when someone
encountered even a glimpse of

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God, even an Angel.
God fell on their face and said

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I’m as good as dead because they
suddenly realize I am but a mere

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00:10:03,600 –> 00:10:06,800
mortal man and this is something
different.

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00:10:07,520 –> 00:10:09,920
The psalmist recognizes that God
is something different.

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00:10:10,040 –> 00:10:13,200
His word is something different.
It’s not just ink on a paper, it

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00:10:13,200 –> 00:10:15,640
is living an active.
This is the thing we need to

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realize because the reason we
trust people more than God

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00:10:18,240 –> 00:10:20,840
sometimes is because they are
living an active and the word of

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00:10:20,840 –> 00:10:24,600
God is just ink on paper.
But scripture says no word of

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00:10:24,600 –> 00:10:26,960
God is not equal on paper.
It happens to be ink on paper

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00:10:26,960 –> 00:10:31,960
wasn’t always ink on paper has
always been God’s Word, which is

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00:10:31,960 –> 00:10:36,560
living and active is not just
mere thoughts put into letters

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00:10:36,560 –> 00:10:39,400
and words.
It is living and active and

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00:10:39,400 –> 00:10:42,520
moving.
So you have two living and

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active things, people who have
limited lives, limited

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00:10:46,280 –> 00:10:50,960
understandings, and limited
capacity to be authentic and

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00:10:50,960 –> 00:10:53,360
genuine.
And you have a living and active

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00:10:53,360 –> 00:10:59,320
Word of God based in eternity,
existent, past, present and

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00:10:59,320 –> 00:11:04,960
future, aware and powerful over
all things.

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00:11:05,960 –> 00:11:07,800
Which makes more sense to put
our hope.

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00:11:09,320 –> 00:11:12,760
When we choose to put our hope
in God’s Word, we do so knowing

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00:11:12,760 –> 00:11:15,320
that we will not even comprehend
what we are doing.

190
00:11:15,920 –> 00:11:18,120
We will not always see it play
out in the ways we think it

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00:11:18,120 –> 00:11:22,000
should because we are in process
of understanding and discovering

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00:11:22,000 –> 00:11:24,840
God’s Word until we are face to
face with them, at which point

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00:11:25,400 –> 00:11:28,920
it will click, but up till that
point it will not.

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00:11:30,120 –> 00:11:32,560
I’m going to stop here.
There’s just so much stuff going

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00:11:32,560 –> 00:11:36,080
on.
But again, the question is what

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00:11:36,080 –> 00:11:41,160
are you putting your hope now?
Psalm 1/19 1:14 You are my

197
00:11:41,160 –> 00:11:44,400
refuge and my shield.
I have put my hope in your word.

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00:11:44,400 –> 00:11:46,840
All right, let me write.
I was just thinking that you

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00:11:46,840 –> 00:11:49,280
were gotten more good.
I think you were got even though

200
00:11:49,280 –> 00:11:53,120
there has been like a dozen
technical issues and noises and

201
00:11:53,320 –> 00:11:59,080
banging and very distracting.
I think you that your spiritual

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00:11:59,080 –> 00:12:02,680
truth is not based on me being
able to present it well or

203
00:12:02,680 –> 00:12:06,560
convey it well.
Your spiritual truth is

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00:12:06,560 –> 00:12:09,880
spiritually given.
So I pray for those listening

205
00:12:09,880 –> 00:12:13,400
that they heard something beyond
the disruptions of this

206
00:12:13,400 –> 00:12:15,120
recording.
My spirit was only name.

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00:12:15,280 –> 00:12:15,680
Amen.