Spirit-led love

Where Did You See God?
Where Did You See God?
Spirit-led love
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In episode 244, Dr. James Hall pushes us to love beyond our understanding and capacity. Growing up, James knew the love of his father, so he was surprised to find himself drawn to ministry for the fatherless. The element he has found to be vital in that work is love, but not a love of our understanding or design.

How has God’s love impacted you?

Discover more from Dr. James:⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

https://grownboys.godaddysites.com/

https://www.facebook.com/jamesjoyhall

https://www.youtube.com/@MightyMenAcademy

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Most people are on board with
the concept of love and all

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people have had moments where it
was an exceptionally hard thing

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to love another person.
As Jesus puts it in Luke 6

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starting at verse 32, if you
love those who love you, what

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credit is that to you?
Even sinners love those who love

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them.
And if you do good to those who

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are good to you, what credit is
that?

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To you.
Even sinners do that.

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Jesus called us to and lived out
a more robust understanding of

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love than we realize.
Scripture tells us that God is

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love, and since we all struggle
to really understand God, it

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stands to reason that we might
not understand love.

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This is something that today’s
guest, Doctor James Hall, has

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been processing for years, and
it’s come about in a very

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unexpected way.
Doctor James knew the love of

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his father and yet he has found
himself called to a ministry to

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those who are fatherless.
This passion has brought him

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into some difficult
relationships, difficult spaces,

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and yet there is a love within
him, a love that he knows is

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greater than him, that leads him
to invest in the lives of the

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young men in his community.
He knows that love is vital, but

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he also knows that it’s more
than doing nice things.

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It’s about being a conduit of
God’s love for those around him.

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If the topic of love or
fatherlessness is relevant to

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you, you might be encouraged by
Doctor James’s conversation.

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You’re listening to episode 244
of the Where Did You See God

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podcast.
Father God, I just want to thank

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you that you are God and you are
good, and for the gift that you

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have given James and I to be
able to connect together, but to

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connect in your presence, to be
guided in our conversation by

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you.
And so, Holy Spirit, we invite

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you to move.
We thank you for the gift of

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conversation, but also the
privilege to be used by you in

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ways that are measurable, more
than we could ask for or

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imagine.
So Holy Spirit, move, God be

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honored and glorified.
And we thank you in advance for

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what you’re going to do.
Honestly, we pray in most holy

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and precious name, Amen.
Amen.

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Thank you for that prayer.
I appreciate it, Paul.

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Yeah, well, Doctor James, I am
excited to connect.

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And before we jump into
conversation, what would you

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want people to know about who
you are?

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Great.
Question I’m a nephrologist by

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trade, so that’s what I do in my
day job.

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I pay the bills, but my calling
is a ministry, and part of my

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ministry is really helping young
men.

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I’ve always had my dad until he
died in 2014, but for some

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reason I have this deep burning
burden to help disillusioned,

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disconnected, fatherless young
men.

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Even when I graduated from
college, I went to Eckerd Youth

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Alternative, which was an at
risk youth camp, and I worked

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with young boys, you know, and I
was thinking about that the

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other day.
I was like, you know, it’s

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something about me and who I am
and who God has made me to be

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gravitates to helping young men.
So that’s really what I want to

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try to let people know is go
after your purpose and your

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passion.
That’s what I’m trying to do.

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And I feel like it’s who I was
created to be.

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Yeah.
So it sounds like this calling

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this passion sounds like you
really started to recognize it

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as your life got going.
But you talked about there’s

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there being this magnetic moment
that you were drawn to these

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spaces.
When did you first start to

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really recognize, oh, there is a
fire lit within me.

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Yeah.
For these young men.

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Honestly, when I moved to the
town I’m in now, Brookhaven, and

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started to drive the church van
and start to pick up all these

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young men and I started to
notice so much lacking in their

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emotional makeup, their
spiritual makeup, their

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understanding about life, and a
lot of practical things.

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I really started to reach across
the aisle, so to speak, and try

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to help them see the things that
they can’t see, understand the

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things they can’t understand.
And so we’ve evolved into Mighty

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Men Academy.
We’ve evolved into just trying

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to be what they need because a
lot of them don’t have fathers.

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And so there’s so much missing,
and we want to try to bridge

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that gap.
So just driving a church van

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probably was the epiphany where
I really start to see like, this

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is something that I love to do.
It’s painless for me to help

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young boys.
Yeah, When you’re stuck in a

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vehicle, you can hear a lot of
things, learn a lot of things,

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have a lot of conversations.
That’s true.

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But that is a piece of it is
like the relationship element.

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Relationships.
Yeah, Yeah, that’s right.

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Which is interesting because,
yeah, there’s two ways that I’m

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thinking of that people can come
to this type of work.

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One way is from a knowledge,
informational standpoint,

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somebody might become aware of
challenges that young men are

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facing, have their ideas of how
to fix it, and then they go in

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and maybe start a nonprofit or
start doing these projects

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because they’re addressing this
need that they’ve seen arise.

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But in what you shared, there
are two pieces that really stood

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out to me.
One is, again, that magnetism

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piece that before you even knew
that this passion was in you,

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you were drawn to it and
interestingly drawn to it when

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it wasn’t necessarily a part of
your story.

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That’s right.
Your father was with you for a

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large part of your life.
This was something that God was

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doing in you before you even
knew it was a thing.

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So that’s one piece.
But then you said something that

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I think people could miss is
there is a capacity within you

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for this work.
There’s something that not just

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that you’re excited about it,
but you have the energy, you

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have the drive, you have the
excitement.

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There’s something within you
that is primed for what is often

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a very challenging space to
navigate.

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Yes, Sir.
And so how have you seen God

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working within that piece?
How has He set you up uniquely?

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That might be different than if
you just heard there was an

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issue and you just stepped in
with your intellect.

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You know, honestly, I believe
the church is a great venue for

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almost any ministry to thrive
and flourish.

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And then that we have basically
set up shop in the inner city of

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Brookhaven, picked up kids, fed
them, bought clothes, took them

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to colleges.
You know, church is the great, I

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say, platform of where we can
extend the gospel and take it

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from.
Yeah, you got to get your soul

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and your mind, your heart right
with God.

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But there’s more that we can do
as an extension of that love for

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other people.
Yeah.

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And so church is probably the
best venue, I would say, that

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has helped me see the picture
from all sides, see it from a

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panoramic view.
Because, you know, yeah, they

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need spiritual help, There’s no
doubt about it.

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But there’s some other things
that we can do just as good

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citizens, just as good people,
you know, as mentors, as

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leaders, as Big Brothers, so to
speak.

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And so this is how we have been
able to migrate into those

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spaces and God has been able to
give us the grace to step into

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those areas to help a lot of
these young men.

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Yeah, if the church is operating
as it’s meant to by following

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the lead of Jesus, yes, Sir,
then what Jesus did is he did

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address spiritual needs, but he
also met practical needs, and he

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also just spent time with
people, and he also had

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conversation.
And.

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You know, you and I know that
not every church is following

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that lead all the time, right?
Sometimes isn’t following that

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lead well.
But when we do what you’re

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saying is so true.
There is this holistic

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engagement that happens.
Yes, Sir, that is more profound

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00:08:26,160 –> 00:08:28,560
than just if you’re only
addressing the spiritual or if

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you’re only addressing the
practical.

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Right, right.
Oh yeah.

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You know, I was reading First
Corinthians chapter 13 last

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night, which is the chapter on
love, and it talks about how

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speaking in tongues, prophecy
and knowledge are so much

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inferior to love.
Love Trump’s out all of those

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other virtues or gifts.
And so if we neglect the love

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component of ministry of the
gospel, we’ve almost missed it.

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You know, we’ve missed it
because the Bible says that God

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is love.
And recognizing another person’s

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needs is the definition of
compassion, feeling what they

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feel and seeing what they need
and trying to meet the need.

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And that’s what Jesus did.
He met the needs of the people.

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You know, they were spiritually
deficient, crippled.

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He would meet that need, but
he’d also meet other needs.

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That’s our challenge to meet the
needs that’s in our community.

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And in 2026, 75 to 80% of black
kids are born out of wedlock.

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And so there’s an entire culture
of children and young people

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being raised with no fathers in
the home.

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That’s the modern day ministry.
That is the modern churches.

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I’d say mountain that we got to
climb.

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And if we look the other way and
put our heads in the sand, we’re

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going to continue to see the
repercussions of a fatherless

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society.
No matter how strong our

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churches are and how much they
speak in tongues and prophecy

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and how spiritual they are, we
cannot afford to look the other

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way when it comes to this
particular issue.

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You.
Were talking about First

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Corinthians 13 and talking about
love and I feel like we’ve got

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to pause there for a second
because love is a word everybody

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knows and everybody uses in a
myriad of ways.

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And I think one of the big
missteps of the church and of

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Christians is we have a desire
to operate out of love.

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We feel like we are doing loving
things, but we might not fully

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understand what biblical love is
because what you describe, you

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00:10:47,880 –> 00:10:50,080
say God is love.
So that’s got to be bigger than

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just I love bagels.
But then Jesus takes it even

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further, says you need to love
even your enemies.

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And so, as you have explored the
concept of love, and as you have

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been invited into spaces where
God was inviting you to be a

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conduit of His love, what have
you learned about what Love

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Actually is?
You know, this is an ongoing

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debate with me and God love.
I’ve been praying to God because

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I’m reading the pulpit
commentary on love on 1st

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Corinthians 13, and I was so
convicted about not meeting the

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standard of love.
I was so just shocked, you know,

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because I don’t think many
people understand what love is,

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you know, and I put myself in
that category because the Bible

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says in Isaiah 55 and eight,
God’s ways are so much higher

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than our ways.
So we don’t really have the full

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00:11:54,600 –> 00:11:59,880
measure or mental capacity to
understand it.

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I think we approach it.
I think we give it our best shot

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and we try to do what we feel
like God is leading us to do in

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every area of our life.
But to truly be Christ like is

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to love people regardless of
what they’re doing, regardless

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of how hard they’ve hurt you,
regardless of how much it costs

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you, you know, not gossip about
them, not slander them,

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regardless of what they’ve done
to you.

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That’s what love really is.
It’s a hard task, but I believe

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it is.
The challenge that God has

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placed before all of His
children is to love, because the

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00:12:43,880 –> 00:12:47,600
number one and #2 commandments
is love God with all your heart,

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soul, mind and strength, and
love thy neighbor as thyself.

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That’s it.
We quote that Scripture all the

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time, but do we really
understand the full measure of

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00:12:58,480 –> 00:13:01,640
its meaning?
Yeah, ’cause loving God is a

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strong virtue, and loving your
neighbor is a strong virtue.

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Yeah.
So I’m a work in progress when

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it comes to love.
Yeah.

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I’m gonna do my best ’cause I
feel like that’s what God wants

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every person to do, is do their
best.

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00:13:19,160 –> 00:13:22,760
Yeah, and so as you learn
better, you do better, and you

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00:13:22,760 –> 00:13:26,680
approach your best or you get
better every day to give God

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00:13:26,680 –> 00:13:29,720
your best, give your friends,
your family, your people, your

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00:13:29,720 –> 00:13:32,000
best.
And that’s what God really wants

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00:13:32,000 –> 00:13:35,480
of us, is to do our best.
You mentioned being a work in

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00:13:35,480 –> 00:13:38,120
progress, and I feel like if
anybody felt like they were an

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00:13:38,120 –> 00:13:41,080
expert in love, then I would say
they probably don’t fully

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00:13:41,080 –> 00:13:44,920
understand what love is.
Because what the Bible shows

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00:13:44,920 –> 00:13:49,000
about love is actually in a lot
of ways impossible for us beyond

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00:13:49,000 –> 00:13:51,600
our capacity, usually because
it’s beyond our desire.

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We look at Jesus in John 13 and
it’s his last meal with his

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disciples before the
crucifixion.

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There’s a lot he could use that
time for.

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But when he wanted to show them
what love was and demonstrate

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00:14:03,920 –> 00:14:08,520
it, what he did was humiliate
himself, stripped down to just

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his inner garments and then wash
their nasty feet.

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And it was such a shocking thing
that Peter almost rebuked him

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for it.
So you can’t do this.

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00:14:19,640 –> 00:14:24,280
No, but Jesus goes forward with
it and then later says, have you

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seen me, dude?
Go and do likewise.

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Likewise.
And then again, we mentioned

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00:14:28,360 –> 00:14:31,320
loving enemies and that’s
incredibly hard for us.

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00:14:31,840 –> 00:14:35,760
This is element of service is
playing into and that’s part of

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00:14:35,760 –> 00:14:38,360
how you have been living, this
desire to serve.

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It brings my mind back to the
reality that depending on what

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our starting point is, it can
impact how we serve.

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And if somebody is just coming
from an informational

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00:14:47,520 –> 00:14:49,600
standpoint, I see a problem and
I want to fix it.

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00:14:50,240 –> 00:14:54,120
They might hit walls and serving
because let’s be honest, there

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00:14:54,120 –> 00:14:57,720
are a lot of assumptions and
perceptions about young inner

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00:14:57,720 –> 00:15:00,800
city men who were fatherless.
There’s a lot in the media and

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00:15:00,800 –> 00:15:04,800
movies that shape how most
people believe those young men

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00:15:04,800 –> 00:15:07,920
are.
What is it you have come to know

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00:15:08,480 –> 00:15:11,400
about the young men that you
serve that you want other people

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00:15:11,400 –> 00:15:14,840
to understand?
You know, I was reading a

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00:15:15,080 –> 00:15:19,600
article a long time ago and it
talked about how all cultures of

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all people in the whole world
want the same thing.

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Everybody want the same thing.
Everybody just want to be loved.

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That’s all.
People just want to be loved,

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and if a young man or young
woman did not have the love of a

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father, the one man that was
supposed to love them didn’t.

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And that’s a problem.
Yeah, that’s a major challenge.

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So now this young child, this
young man, young woman is, so to

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00:15:52,000 –> 00:15:55,960
speak, behind the 8 ball.
They really don’t have the

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necessary ingredients for a
strong emotional makeup.

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And so there’s something
missing.

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00:16:03,720 –> 00:16:08,920
And so if nobody loves that
child and nobody really shows

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that child what it means to have
the love of a father, then that

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00:16:14,320 –> 00:16:19,560
child grows up being unloved.
And this is what caused a lot of

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our societal ills today.
It’s just these kids are

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00:16:23,680 –> 00:16:26,360
unloved.
Nobody sets out to be a high

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00:16:26,360 –> 00:16:30,520
school dropout. 71% of high
school dropouts grew up in a

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00:16:30,520 –> 00:16:34,080
fatherless home.
But if you ask all first

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00:16:34,080 –> 00:16:35,680
graders, are they going to
graduate high school?

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00:16:35,720 –> 00:16:41,080
Yeah, of course. 90% of runaways
and homeless victim grew up in a

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00:16:41,080 –> 00:16:44,000
fatherless home.
Like, nobody wants to be

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00:16:44,000 –> 00:16:48,080
homeless and be a runaway.
But somewhere in the evolution

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00:16:48,080 –> 00:16:50,680
of that child’s life, they lost
it.

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00:16:50,680 –> 00:16:54,000
They were disconnected,
disillusioned and really saw the

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00:16:54,000 –> 00:16:57,480
need to just cut ties with
society as a whole.

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00:16:58,240 –> 00:17:03,520
But these kids are just normal
kids and trying their best to

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survive in a world that doesn’t
love them.

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And so without that factor, I
mean, you mentioned love and we

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talked about love.
That is the key ingredient.

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If a child feels unloved,
there’s no telling what they

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00:17:20,480 –> 00:17:25,000
might do or what descent they
may make in society.

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In the crime world, a unloved
young lady may sell her body, be

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promiscuous.
I mean just that.

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The possibilities are endless.
What a person will do if nobody

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00:17:36,120 –> 00:17:39,680
has shown them the love that
they know they deserve.

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00:17:40,840 –> 00:17:44,600
They know that every person
knows the unlovable, every

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00:17:44,600 –> 00:17:47,640
person.
But if the man that’s supposed

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00:17:47,640 –> 00:17:53,400
to show them that doesn’t, that
creates a emotional defect, a

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00:17:53,400 –> 00:17:56,560
spiritual defect in the heart of
mind of a child.

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00:17:57,560 –> 00:18:01,400
And so we have to understand
that people need to understand

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00:18:01,400 –> 00:18:05,840
that there’s something
intrinsically wrong with this

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00:18:05,840 –> 00:18:09,600
child’s inner makeup because
they didn’t have their father.

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00:18:10,400 –> 00:18:14,600
And once we understand that, we
can start to look at this

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00:18:15,080 –> 00:18:18,760
situation or the child from a
different perspective, from a

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00:18:18,760 –> 00:18:21,760
perspective of let’s try to
reconnect this child with their

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00:18:21,760 –> 00:18:25,360
father or let’s try to reconnect
this child with somebody, a

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00:18:25,360 –> 00:18:29,440
mentor, a coach, a pastor, a
teacher that can really show

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00:18:29,440 –> 00:18:33,040
them, you know, your dad may not
have been there, but God had

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00:18:33,040 –> 00:18:36,440
sent somebody that may be 10
times better than your

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00:18:36,440 –> 00:18:42,120
biological father, you know, and
they love you way more than they

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00:18:42,120 –> 00:18:44,480
could have ever loved you, you
know?

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00:18:45,200 –> 00:18:48,520
You mentioned earlier that God
is love, and Scripture often

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00:18:48,520 –> 00:18:52,440
refers to God as a father.
And so it makes sense that the

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00:18:52,440 –> 00:18:57,200
role of a human father is an
opportunity to embody those

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00:18:57,200 –> 00:19:00,720
elements of who God is and his
love in those lies.

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00:19:00,720 –> 00:19:03,120
And so you’re right.
When that’s absent, there is

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00:19:03,120 –> 00:19:06,200
this void that was meant to be
filled.

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You know, there is
fatherlessness all over the

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00:19:09,840 –> 00:19:13,960
world.
What makes it uniquely difficult

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in the inner city context?
One thing I would say is just

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00:19:17,960 –> 00:19:20,960
the sheer numbers.
You know, in the black

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00:19:20,960 –> 00:19:23,960
community, it’s around 75 to
80%.

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You know, those kids are born
out of Whitlock fatherless.

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00:19:28,320 –> 00:19:31,280
So that fact alone is just just
too many.

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00:19:32,680 –> 00:19:38,160
Society can’t fully manage.
All these wayward kids are

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00:19:38,160 –> 00:19:40,840
fatherless kids.
That’s one thing.

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00:19:40,840 –> 00:19:44,880
It’s just so many, but in the
inner city, there’s a

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00:19:44,880 –> 00:19:49,080
compression of the population,
so to speak, and there are a lot

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00:19:49,080 –> 00:19:52,120
of kids growing up in a small
radius.

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00:19:52,680 –> 00:19:56,640
And so that just creates a
perfect storm for bad things to

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00:19:56,640 –> 00:19:59,360
happen.
When you look at, you know,

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00:19:59,360 –> 00:20:05,320
Chicago in the 70s and 80s like
the Cabrini Green apartments and

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00:20:05,320 –> 00:20:09,280
some of the inner city quote
project departments, I mean, you

321
00:20:09,280 –> 00:20:14,200
had 6 or 7000.
Fatherless kids in one apartment

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00:20:14,200 –> 00:20:20,040
complex, Mom was at work, that
was God knows where, so you got

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00:20:20,160 –> 00:20:24,920
a bunch of kids raising kids and
you know it’s just a perfect

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00:20:24,920 –> 00:20:28,120
stone for something bad to
occur.

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00:20:28,600 –> 00:20:32,800
For instance, I live in a rural
area, so fatherless statistics

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00:20:32,800 –> 00:20:36,840
are just as bad, but it’s kind
of a little more spread out.

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00:20:38,160 –> 00:20:40,960
You know, all the kids, yeah,
they meet up at school, but when

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00:20:40,960 –> 00:20:43,680
they get off, they get off the
school bus, they got to go their

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00:20:43,680 –> 00:20:47,240
separate wave.
So it just may be better in some

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00:20:47,240 –> 00:20:51,520
of your rural areas because
they’re not just so congregated,

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00:20:52,000 –> 00:20:55,000
you know?
So the inner city is tough

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00:20:55,280 –> 00:20:57,400
because people migrate to the
inner cities.

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00:20:57,840 –> 00:21:02,240
The population is higher and
there’s a lot more, I guess

334
00:21:02,440 –> 00:21:07,240
places to hide when when the
criminal element comes into

335
00:21:07,240 –> 00:21:09,920
play.
There’s a lot more access to

336
00:21:09,920 –> 00:21:13,160
guns, there’s a lot more access
to crime.

337
00:21:13,480 –> 00:21:17,160
It just seems to be easier to
commit crimes in the inner city.

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00:21:17,520 –> 00:21:20,720
And I feel like to answer your
question, that’s probably part

339
00:21:20,720 –> 00:21:24,800
of it, why the inner city is
just such a hard sale and it’s

340
00:21:24,800 –> 00:21:29,880
just difficult to try to reach
every kid when there’s so many.

341
00:21:30,920 –> 00:21:33,640
Yeah, when I think that’s
something that people,

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00:21:33,640 –> 00:21:36,600
especially if they don’t have
much interaction with inner city

343
00:21:36,600 –> 00:21:40,760
context, they don’t understand
the environmental element of it

344
00:21:41,280 –> 00:21:43,520
and they don’t understand how
much of the environmental

345
00:21:43,520 –> 00:21:49,360
element is often beyond the
choice or control of many that

346
00:21:49,360 –> 00:21:52,840
are living there.
I grew up in the country rural

347
00:21:52,840 –> 00:21:56,240
context and experienced a very
different thing, and now I live

348
00:21:56,240 –> 00:21:59,200
in an inner city context.
One thing that was very valuable

349
00:21:59,200 –> 00:22:01,240
for me was to learn the history
of Richmond.

350
00:22:01,240 –> 00:22:03,960
And what I came to find out is
there’s a lot that people would

351
00:22:03,960 –> 00:22:05,840
broad sweep about these
communities.

352
00:22:05,840 –> 00:22:10,040
But the first thing I realized
is, oh, the housing projects

353
00:22:10,040 –> 00:22:13,800
were intentionally concentrated
within a mile radius of each

354
00:22:13,800 –> 00:22:14,600
other.
That’s right.

355
00:22:14,600 –> 00:22:18,360
And positioned in such a way
that all of the poverty was

356
00:22:18,360 –> 00:22:21,480
localized into one spot.
Well, if you put all the poverty

357
00:22:21,480 –> 00:22:23,240
in one spot, that’s going to
have impacts.

358
00:22:23,920 –> 00:22:28,320
Then as I got into the history
deeper, I realized, oh, that

359
00:22:28,320 –> 00:22:32,280
community was redlined starting
in the 1920s and banks

360
00:22:32,280 –> 00:22:36,040
intentionally did not give money
for development and growth.

361
00:22:36,080 –> 00:22:40,520
And so those communities fell
way behind other communities

362
00:22:40,520 –> 00:22:43,280
that were invested in.
Then I learned more and more and

363
00:22:43,280 –> 00:22:47,240
I realized, oh, being right off
of 95 meant that when the drugs

364
00:22:47,240 –> 00:22:49,640
came into the ports in Florida
and we’re on their way to New

365
00:22:49,640 –> 00:22:53,400
York, they would stop off the
first neighborhoods are those

366
00:22:53,400 –> 00:22:55,440
neighborhoods and drugs were
introduced.

367
00:22:55,440 –> 00:22:58,200
Not that people were looking for
drugs to be introduced, but

368
00:22:58,680 –> 00:23:00,600
drugs were introduced.
And then if you have an

369
00:23:00,600 –> 00:23:04,400
environment where there is a lot
of hardship, there are very few

370
00:23:04,400 –> 00:23:08,320
opportunities, there is a lot of
loss and struggles, then you

371
00:23:08,320 –> 00:23:12,200
start to have people who need
relief in some kind of way.

372
00:23:12,200 –> 00:23:13,880
So they might lean into the drug
thing.

373
00:23:13,880 –> 00:23:17,280
Or if you feel like your
identity doesn’t exist and you

374
00:23:17,280 –> 00:23:20,480
just need connection and
community, well, that’s where

375
00:23:20,480 –> 00:23:24,760
gangs began to really be able to
pull people in, is we are a

376
00:23:24,760 –> 00:23:26,520
family together.
And so you have all these

377
00:23:26,520 –> 00:23:30,240
factors piled on top of each
other and on top of each other.

378
00:23:30,240 –> 00:23:34,320
And then you have a young man
who, for whatever reason, his

379
00:23:34,320 –> 00:23:37,840
father’s not around.
And so he doesn’t have that core

380
00:23:37,840 –> 00:23:41,080
source of love that by design
was supposed to be there.

381
00:23:41,760 –> 00:23:45,480
He has all these voices telling
them who he is and who he isn’t.

382
00:23:45,520 –> 00:23:47,800
That isn’t necessarily accurate
to who he is.

383
00:23:48,200 –> 00:23:51,960
And many voices saying this is
all your life is going to amount

384
00:23:51,960 –> 00:23:54,480
to.
That is a hard thing to

385
00:23:54,480 –> 00:23:57,640
navigate.
So then God positions

386
00:23:57,640 –> 00:24:01,160
individuals like you to step
into these spaces.

387
00:24:01,160 –> 00:24:05,960
But what I know and I know you
have really experienced is this

388
00:24:05,960 –> 00:24:09,400
isn’t a quick fix thing that God
has probably called you for the

389
00:24:09,400 –> 00:24:12,000
long term into this space.
So tell me about that piece of

390
00:24:12,000 –> 00:24:16,200
his that this isn’t an easy
solution, but actually God wants

391
00:24:16,200 –> 00:24:20,320
it to be a long game investment.
Yeah, it is a long game

392
00:24:20,320 –> 00:24:23,680
investment because you’re
talking about years of, I would

393
00:24:23,680 –> 00:24:28,800
say, some disenfranchisement.
But really, you know, when we

394
00:24:28,800 –> 00:24:33,640
take away all of that and we get
to the bottom line of family, in

395
00:24:33,640 –> 00:24:37,800
1960, around 80% of black kids
were born to mothers who were

396
00:24:37,800 –> 00:24:43,200
married, and around 95% of
Caucasian babies were born to

397
00:24:43,200 –> 00:24:45,240
mothers who were married.
I mean, it was just crazy.

398
00:24:45,800 –> 00:24:53,040
So we have to try to turn this
ship around back to that so that

399
00:24:53,040 –> 00:24:55,320
we can get fathers back in the
home.

400
00:24:55,680 –> 00:25:00,160
And ultimately that’s going to
be the ticket to help correct

401
00:25:00,160 –> 00:25:03,480
some of all this.
Family, in my opinion, is

402
00:25:03,480 –> 00:25:08,000
probably the biggest vaccination
to all the things that may

403
00:25:08,000 –> 00:25:12,600
happen outside the home.
The racism, the poverty, the the

404
00:25:12,600 –> 00:25:15,720
segregation of the communities
in the projects, all this stuff

405
00:25:15,720 –> 00:25:19,600
that happened.
Family is the one thing that can

406
00:25:19,600 –> 00:25:24,200
be a constant in any person’s
life that will help lead and

407
00:25:24,200 –> 00:25:27,640
guide them around the pitfalls
of life.

408
00:25:28,480 –> 00:25:32,320
And this is what we have to do.
And it’s a long game because,

409
00:25:32,720 –> 00:25:34,840
you know, it took a long time to
get where we are.

410
00:25:35,320 –> 00:25:39,320
So it’s going to take a long
time to resolve these issues

411
00:25:39,320 –> 00:25:43,320
’cause we have people who are
just being born now without a

412
00:25:43,320 –> 00:25:46,080
father.
We have people who are 20 years

413
00:25:46,080 –> 00:25:50,120
old who’d never had a father.
So we got to try to help all

414
00:25:50,120 –> 00:25:54,720
those kids in between and the
kids who don’t have kids, try to

415
00:25:54,720 –> 00:25:57,680
help them see the importance of
getting married before start

416
00:25:57,680 –> 00:26:01,760
having kids, get married and and
start to build a family so you

417
00:26:01,760 –> 00:26:05,240
can have a legacy.
Because, you know, I talk about

418
00:26:05,240 –> 00:26:08,040
this in the book, A lot of men
don’t want to get married

419
00:26:08,040 –> 00:26:11,520
because, you know, I just don’t
want to be tied down a lot, you

420
00:26:11,520 –> 00:26:15,280
know, you know, the typical, you
know, bachelor comments about

421
00:26:15,280 –> 00:26:17,040
marriage.
But here’s the thing.

422
00:26:17,520 –> 00:26:20,800
Married men, they make more
money.

423
00:26:21,120 –> 00:26:22,680
Check.
I don’t know anybody who

424
00:26:22,680 –> 00:26:26,760
wouldn’t sign up for that.
Married men are healthier,

425
00:26:27,120 –> 00:26:31,560
check.
Married men live longer, check.

426
00:26:32,040 –> 00:26:36,160
Married men have more sex,
check, check, check on that one.

427
00:26:37,760 –> 00:26:41,200
So it behooves men to get
married.

428
00:26:41,680 –> 00:26:45,240
You know they’re having kids
with these women, right?

429
00:26:45,240 –> 00:26:48,960
They like something about them.
But we have to convince them to

430
00:26:48,960 –> 00:26:54,040
approach fatherhood
relationship, approach it like

431
00:26:54,040 –> 00:26:58,560
God approaches it, have a
biblical, A godly view of how I

432
00:26:58,560 –> 00:27:02,960
should approach my relationship.
And that’s going to help us get

433
00:27:02,960 –> 00:27:06,680
in the game for the long haul
because it won’t be people like

434
00:27:06,680 –> 00:27:11,320
me that will be necessary.
I hope I become obsolete with

435
00:27:11,320 –> 00:27:13,680
what I’m talking about, with all
this fatherless.

436
00:27:14,040 –> 00:27:19,680
I hope it’s totally obsolete,
you know, and fathers have drank

437
00:27:19,680 –> 00:27:22,720
the kool-aid on what it means to
be a father.

438
00:27:23,080 –> 00:27:26,840
And they will refuse to ever
leave their families, refuse to

439
00:27:26,840 –> 00:27:31,200
ever abandoned their kids
because abandonment is a real

440
00:27:31,200 –> 00:27:34,000
thing, Father abandonment is a
real thing.

441
00:27:34,720 –> 00:27:39,680
So I hope this becomes obsolete
because ultimately we got to let

442
00:27:39,680 –> 00:27:44,240
the next generation know how
valuable they are, how important

443
00:27:44,240 –> 00:27:49,240
they are, that they’re loved and
that I’m glad I brought you

444
00:27:49,240 –> 00:27:51,080
here.
And I’m going to make sure I

445
00:27:51,080 –> 00:27:52,760
take care of you while you’re
here.

446
00:27:53,160 –> 00:27:57,240
That’s the job of a father.
And God is holding every single

447
00:27:57,240 –> 00:28:01,280
father accountable to their
families and to their kids.

448
00:28:01,760 –> 00:28:03,200
I don’t know if you’re a father,
Paul.

449
00:28:03,720 –> 00:28:07,960
OK, so God is holding us
accountable to our kids.

450
00:28:08,600 –> 00:28:13,040
And so, you know, how can we say
we’re Christian if we don’t even

451
00:28:13,040 –> 00:28:18,960
do the most basic of Christian
duties, which is take care of

452
00:28:18,960 –> 00:28:22,080
your own.
And this is something where we

453
00:28:22,080 –> 00:28:25,960
as a country, as a culture have
to understand.

454
00:28:26,520 –> 00:28:30,440
All communities, not just black,
but Caucasian, Hispanic, you

455
00:28:30,440 –> 00:28:34,520
know, Asian have an 11%
illegitimacy rate.

456
00:28:35,400 –> 00:28:38,400
So only 11% of Asian kids are
born out of wedlock.

457
00:28:39,040 –> 00:28:42,320
Guess who’s the most wealthy
demographic in America?

458
00:28:43,160 –> 00:28:47,600
Asians.
I wonder, is there a correlation

459
00:28:47,600 –> 00:28:49,280
there?
You see what I’m saying?

460
00:28:49,880 –> 00:28:53,760
There’s generational wealth.
You talking about the long game?

461
00:28:54,240 –> 00:28:57,680
If you don’t have generations,
you can’t ever have generational

462
00:28:57,680 –> 00:29:00,720
wealth, you know?
So when black people come to me

463
00:29:00,720 –> 00:29:05,160
and tell me, you know, about the
man, about the government, we

464
00:29:05,400 –> 00:29:07,840
all this, the first
questionnaire is where are your

465
00:29:07,840 –> 00:29:09,840
kids?
What are you doing for your

466
00:29:09,840 –> 00:29:10,840
kids?
Because that’s where

467
00:29:10,840 –> 00:29:14,720
generational wealth comes in, is
that I can leave something to my

468
00:29:14,720 –> 00:29:16,720
kids.
They can build it up, make it

469
00:29:16,720 –> 00:29:18,640
better.
They leave to their kids.

470
00:29:19,000 –> 00:29:22,840
And now we’re really in the game
for the long haul because now we

471
00:29:22,840 –> 00:29:28,320
not only have social wealth,
family, we have financial wealth

472
00:29:29,120 –> 00:29:34,520
and we have spiritual wealth.
So as a father, we have to leave

473
00:29:34,520 –> 00:29:40,040
legacies for our kids,
spiritual, financial, social and

474
00:29:40,040 –> 00:29:42,320
everything in between.
That’s our job.

475
00:29:43,280 –> 00:29:47,680
It’s to leave a legacy so that
when I leave, when I die and

476
00:29:47,680 –> 00:29:50,720
make my transition, I really
didn’t die.

477
00:29:51,400 –> 00:29:53,800
There’s a lot of me still left
on this earth.

478
00:29:54,280 –> 00:29:57,240
You see what I’m saying?
That’s how we, that’s how we get

479
00:29:57,240 –> 00:30:00,200
in it for the long haul.
So that’s my goal is to get

480
00:30:00,200 –> 00:30:04,800
fathers back in the home, help
them understand the gravity of

481
00:30:04,800 –> 00:30:06,920
bringing another child into this
world.

482
00:30:07,440 –> 00:30:10,840
I know mother and father don’t
always work out, divorce, things

483
00:30:10,840 –> 00:30:15,080
like that happen.
But my mom used to say leave

484
00:30:15,080 –> 00:30:18,680
kids, leave them in Timbuktu.
She used to say that that was

485
00:30:18,680 –> 00:30:21,960
her way of saying don’t bring no
kids here until you’re mad.

486
00:30:23,040 –> 00:30:27,200
That was her way of saying that.
But kids didn’t ask to be here.

487
00:30:27,200 –> 00:30:31,880
Yeah, we brought them here, so
it’s our job to take care of

488
00:30:31,880 –> 00:30:34,000
them.
There are no accidents.

489
00:30:35,280 –> 00:30:37,640
There are no illegitimate
children.

490
00:30:37,880 –> 00:30:41,800
I know we use that term for the
sake of statistics, but that’s a

491
00:30:41,800 –> 00:30:44,160
misnomer.
There are absolutely no

492
00:30:44,160 –> 00:30:48,360
illegitimate children, only
illegitimate parents.

493
00:30:49,920 –> 00:30:51,880
The kids didn’t make any
mistakes.

494
00:30:51,880 –> 00:30:54,200
The parents did.
See what I’m saying?

495
00:30:54,720 –> 00:31:00,560
So our job is to really get back
to what God wants for family.

496
00:31:01,280 –> 00:31:03,280
That’s our main goal with all
this.

497
00:31:03,600 –> 00:31:06,840
It’s moving the direction of
what God desires for family.

498
00:31:07,840 –> 00:31:11,680
And as you mentioned earlier,
love is a key component to it

499
00:31:11,720 –> 00:31:15,080
because we’re talking about
different contexts, different

500
00:31:15,080 –> 00:31:19,160
experiences, different
challenges that any given kid

501
00:31:19,160 –> 00:31:21,200
could face.
But you said at the start, the

502
00:31:21,200 –> 00:31:26,000
core thread is the need for
love, that every person is

503
00:31:26,160 –> 00:31:30,320
deserving of love, worthy of
love, and if they don’t receive

504
00:31:30,320 –> 00:31:34,320
it, it has a negative impact.
And so when you are stepping

505
00:31:34,320 –> 00:31:38,160
into this space, one of the
things that you acknowledged is

506
00:31:38,160 –> 00:31:40,600
you’re trying to love well, but
you’re still learning how to do

507
00:31:40,600 –> 00:31:43,920
it.
So what does love practically

508
00:31:43,920 –> 00:31:47,160
look like as you are interacting
with these young men?

509
00:31:48,080 –> 00:31:51,600
Where have you found that love
particularly challenging to live

510
00:31:51,600 –> 00:31:53,760
out?
And when that’s the case, how

511
00:31:53,760 –> 00:31:56,400
are you able to love even if you
don’t personally have the

512
00:31:56,400 –> 00:32:00,520
capacity?
Yeah, I have two sons, you know,

513
00:32:00,520 –> 00:32:04,080
they’re 25 and 23.
I tell my all the time there is

514
00:32:04,080 –> 00:32:08,000
something called tough love.
So I tell my wife that all the

515
00:32:08,000 –> 00:32:10,840
time.
So, you know, yeah, love is

516
00:32:10,840 –> 00:32:12,120
giving.
Love is patient.

517
00:32:12,120 –> 00:32:16,720
Love is kind.
But ultimately trying to be

518
00:32:16,960 –> 00:32:21,480
giving, but also trying to hold
them to a certain standard and

519
00:32:21,480 –> 00:32:24,640
hold them accountable to me,
that’s just as much love as

520
00:32:24,640 –> 00:32:27,680
anything because God holds us
accountable.

521
00:32:28,240 –> 00:32:32,880
If we were not held accountable,
we’d probably go haywire, all of

522
00:32:32,880 –> 00:32:35,720
us.
But God holds us accountable.

523
00:32:36,600 –> 00:32:41,440
And so holding these young men
accountable to me is so much of

524
00:32:41,440 –> 00:32:47,120
the love aspect as anything
because they’ve lived in a world

525
00:32:47,520 –> 00:32:50,160
where the one man who was
supposed to discipline them,

526
00:32:50,400 –> 00:32:54,120
give them direction, give them
identity, and hold them

527
00:32:54,120 –> 00:32:58,360
accountable was not there.
So they they don’t have that.

528
00:32:58,880 –> 00:33:03,000
So children know that if you
hold them accountable, they know

529
00:33:03,000 –> 00:33:06,440
that means you love them.
They may never say it and they

530
00:33:06,440 –> 00:33:12,680
may not like it, but you know,
as mentors, it’s our job to hold

531
00:33:12,680 –> 00:33:16,040
the people in our circle of
influence accountable.

532
00:33:16,960 –> 00:33:20,160
And this is part of love that’s
just can never be neglected.

533
00:33:20,560 –> 00:33:24,280
Because I see so many young men
with their pants sagging, not

534
00:33:24,280 –> 00:33:26,160
wearing a belt, showing their
underwear.

535
00:33:26,640 –> 00:33:29,880
Like, man, you, who are you
trying to impress here?

536
00:33:31,040 –> 00:33:34,280
Nobody wants to see your skid
marks pull your pants up.

537
00:33:34,920 –> 00:33:38,160
I’ve had to say that on the
church van and at church so many

538
00:33:38,160 –> 00:33:40,560
times to a lot of these young
boys.

539
00:33:41,040 –> 00:33:43,360
I bought belts.
I think I told my wife I was

540
00:33:43,360 –> 00:33:46,400
going to buy belts and just put
them inside the bathroom at

541
00:33:46,400 –> 00:33:49,120
church.
So all the boys will have a free

542
00:33:49,120 –> 00:33:53,440
belt, free belt giveaway because
they come with their pants

543
00:33:53,440 –> 00:33:56,040
sagging.
But nobody has ever told them,

544
00:33:56,240 –> 00:34:00,080
hey man, pull your pants up.
Look like a young man.

545
00:34:00,560 –> 00:34:03,680
You know, comb your hair, clean
your fingernails.

546
00:34:04,120 –> 00:34:06,760
You know, I’ll tell you a story
about fingernails.

547
00:34:07,160 –> 00:34:09,800
I live with my sister.
The first two years of college,

548
00:34:10,000 –> 00:34:11,600
You know, she knew I wanted to
be a doctor.

549
00:34:11,600 –> 00:34:13,080
I used to tell everybody I want
to be a doctor.

550
00:34:13,080 –> 00:34:16,239
I’m going to medical school.
And she saw my fingernails one

551
00:34:16,239 –> 00:34:19,239
day.
And she said, you know, nobody

552
00:34:19,239 –> 00:34:25,320
wants to come see a doctor with
dirty fingernails from that day

553
00:34:25,320 –> 00:34:28,600
forward.
Paul, I clean my fingernails

554
00:34:28,840 –> 00:34:32,760
from that day forward.
I’d never walk around with dirty

555
00:34:32,760 –> 00:34:35,560
fingers because of how she said
it.

556
00:34:35,920 –> 00:34:40,120
And she said it to me in a way
that would get my attention.

557
00:34:41,080 –> 00:34:44,239
You see what I’m saying?
So she held me accountable, but

558
00:34:44,239 –> 00:34:47,480
now I hold myself accountable.
And that’s what we’ve trying to

559
00:34:47,480 –> 00:34:51,800
get these kids to see, that if
you want to be a man one day

560
00:34:51,960 –> 00:34:54,280
we’re going to hold you
accountable to the standard of

561
00:34:54,280 –> 00:34:57,080
manhood.
Not any other stand, not the

562
00:34:57,080 –> 00:35:00,800
American black guy athletes
standard because all those guys

563
00:35:00,800 –> 00:35:03,080
got earrings and got 5 or 6 baby
Mamas.

564
00:35:03,440 –> 00:35:07,120
That’s not a man, that’s a
gigolo, that’s a Playboy.

565
00:35:07,120 –> 00:35:10,360
That’s not a man.
We’re holding into a manhood

566
00:35:10,360 –> 00:35:12,680
standard.
A lot of people don’t want to

567
00:35:12,680 –> 00:35:15,840
take the journey to manhood, but
that’s the standard we’re going

568
00:35:15,840 –> 00:35:18,440
to hold you to.
A lot of young men know if

569
00:35:18,440 –> 00:35:22,440
you’re teaching them what’s
right and that’s all that

570
00:35:22,440 –> 00:35:25,360
matters.
Our job is to teach what’s right

571
00:35:25,960 –> 00:35:30,360
because that has been lost in
translation over the last

572
00:35:30,600 –> 00:35:34,240
generation.
This generation that’s coming

573
00:35:34,240 –> 00:35:36,200
behind me.
I’m in my 50s.

574
00:35:36,760 –> 00:35:38,880
A lot of these things have been
lost.

575
00:35:40,520 –> 00:35:45,440
The things that my dad gave me,
just watching him for 18 years,

576
00:35:45,920 –> 00:35:49,680
the things that I learned, you
know, those things have been

577
00:35:49,680 –> 00:35:53,200
lost.
And so we have to show this next

578
00:35:53,200 –> 00:35:55,360
generation that, yes, we love
you.

579
00:35:55,360 –> 00:35:57,080
We’re going to hold you
accountable.

580
00:35:57,600 –> 00:35:59,440
We’re going to hold you
accountable, and we’re going to

581
00:35:59,440 –> 00:36:00,920
love you.
But they go together.

582
00:36:01,640 –> 00:36:04,520
You can’t have one without the
other because we don’t want to

583
00:36:04,520 –> 00:36:07,760
see you not reach your potential
in life.

584
00:36:08,840 –> 00:36:11,440
And so that’s what love is about
with this young men that we’re

585
00:36:11,440 –> 00:36:13,080
dealing with.
Yeah.

586
00:36:13,480 –> 00:36:18,960
And so you’re striving to love.
It’s very important, but it’s

587
00:36:18,960 –> 00:36:22,280
also a hard context, not always
received well.

588
00:36:22,760 –> 00:36:27,120
And as you noted before, it
could be hard for us to love.

589
00:36:27,120 –> 00:36:31,680
So in the moments where God is
inviting you to show love to a

590
00:36:31,680 –> 00:36:35,560
group of young men, and you know
that your love is insufficient,

591
00:36:35,560 –> 00:36:37,720
how have you seen His love work
through you?

592
00:36:38,400 –> 00:36:41,520
Just trying my best to be
compassionate.

593
00:36:41,960 –> 00:36:45,480
When Jesus Christ saw the month
to, Rob says he had compassion

594
00:36:45,480 –> 00:36:47,920
on them.
That’s something that I pray

595
00:36:47,920 –> 00:36:53,520
for, I pine for, and I wish for
that God will let me have the

596
00:36:53,520 –> 00:36:58,240
full measure to see what he sees
in a young man.

597
00:36:58,240 –> 00:37:00,600
Yeah.
And to be able to just meet that

598
00:37:00,600 –> 00:37:04,240
need.
You know, it’s not always just

599
00:37:04,720 –> 00:37:07,480
talking about Jesus.
It may be just taking him to

600
00:37:07,480 –> 00:37:13,240
lunch, giving him a meal or
bring him to my house and let

601
00:37:13,240 –> 00:37:14,880
them see a different way of
life.

602
00:37:14,880 –> 00:37:17,560
Yeah.
Several kids have come to my

603
00:37:17,560 –> 00:37:21,480
house and they say whose house
is this?

604
00:37:23,120 –> 00:37:26,080
You know, whose house is this?
I said, who the house you

605
00:37:26,080 –> 00:37:27,960
thinking here, no, it is not
your house.

606
00:37:28,600 –> 00:37:30,520
I said well it it could be my
house.

607
00:37:31,920 –> 00:37:35,840
So just showing them a different
way of life than what they have

608
00:37:35,840 –> 00:37:43,840
seen and try my best to allow
God to use me to help them see

609
00:37:43,840 –> 00:37:48,480
what they can’t see, hear what
they can’t hear, and let their

610
00:37:48,480 –> 00:37:50,760
feet go places that they can’t
go.

611
00:37:51,720 –> 00:37:55,320
And that’s what God wants, for
every one of us to use us in a

612
00:37:55,320 –> 00:37:59,840
wake to prove that that child,
that kid, God is really real.

613
00:38:00,880 –> 00:38:03,800
God is really real.
I don’t hear people talk about

614
00:38:03,800 –> 00:38:06,520
him.
I hear people, but I know God is

615
00:38:06,520 –> 00:38:12,200
real because God uses that
person to help me individually,

616
00:38:12,640 –> 00:38:19,200
personally, you know, seeking
God, asking God to show me what

617
00:38:19,200 –> 00:38:21,200
I can’t see that’s going on in
the child.

618
00:38:21,760 –> 00:38:25,080
For instance, there was a child,
a young man who was, he was

619
00:38:25,080 –> 00:38:27,160
crying one day and I said, man,
what’s going on?

620
00:38:27,240 –> 00:38:30,000
His parents are kind of
disconnected, estranged.

621
00:38:30,280 –> 00:38:33,360
And he said, I, I need somebody
to help me.

622
00:38:33,680 –> 00:38:37,120
He said I’m lost verbatim.
He said I’m lost.

623
00:38:37,360 –> 00:38:38,440
I said, well, man, I’ll help
you.

624
00:38:38,440 –> 00:38:42,000
I’ll be glad to help you.
And so, you know, I started to

625
00:38:42,000 –> 00:38:45,040
mentor him, started to let him
come work with us and we pay him

626
00:38:45,040 –> 00:38:47,000
and just try to get him on his
feet.

627
00:38:47,000 –> 00:38:50,680
Let him know he has value.
You know, that’s probably the

628
00:38:50,680 –> 00:38:54,080
biggest thing that God can
impart to other people through

629
00:38:54,080 –> 00:38:56,640
US is just let, let him know
they have value.

630
00:38:57,160 –> 00:39:00,520
You’re valuable.
You’re somebody, you have

631
00:39:00,520 –> 00:39:05,560
purpose, you have potential, and
sometimes that little small

632
00:39:05,560 –> 00:39:09,680
word, you have value.
You’re somebody can make all the

633
00:39:09,680 –> 00:39:11,080
difference.
Yeah.

634
00:39:11,720 –> 00:39:16,560
You captured 2 important things
in simplicity and the spirit.

635
00:39:16,640 –> 00:39:20,000
Yes Sir, I say simplicity.
You were talking about just very

636
00:39:20,000 –> 00:39:22,840
simple ways.
Just eat with them, just take

637
00:39:22,840 –> 00:39:25,360
them to your house.
Just dot dot dot right?

638
00:39:25,360 –> 00:39:28,960
Like simple accessible things.
And it makes me think about when

639
00:39:29,240 –> 00:39:35,320
Jesus was speaking to thousands
of people and the disciples had

640
00:39:35,320 –> 00:39:38,160
conditions on their willingness
to love, when they realized, oh,

641
00:39:38,160 –> 00:39:40,040
it’s getting late, people are
going to get hungry.

642
00:39:40,400 –> 00:39:43,400
We don’t want to use our own
money and we don’t want to use

643
00:39:43,400 –> 00:39:45,920
our own energy to do all this
work.

644
00:39:46,040 –> 00:39:49,400
They said Jesus, send them away.
And Jesus said, now you feed

645
00:39:49,400 –> 00:39:51,040
them.
And when they said they had

646
00:39:51,040 –> 00:39:52,280
nothing, he’s like, well, what
do you got?

647
00:39:52,760 –> 00:39:55,240
And all they had was 5 loaves
and two fish.

648
00:39:55,440 –> 00:39:58,080
That was sufficient, right?
So the simplicity of it,

649
00:39:58,080 –> 00:40:01,320
sometimes we feel like we don’t
have much to offer.

650
00:40:01,320 –> 00:40:04,280
I don’t have any experience with
the inner city, or I’ve never

651
00:40:04,280 –> 00:40:07,800
experienced fatherlessness or I
don’t have the training or dot

652
00:40:07,800 –> 00:40:10,600
dot, dot like we make our
excuses and sometimes God’s

653
00:40:10,600 –> 00:40:13,080
like, well, what do you ask?
What can you bring to the table?

654
00:40:13,080 –> 00:40:15,720
And so.
I think that simplicity is so

655
00:40:15,720 –> 00:40:18,240
powerful, and God can work
through that in beautiful ways.

656
00:40:18,960 –> 00:40:21,800
But then you hinted at this
element of the Spirit when you

657
00:40:21,800 –> 00:40:25,640
talked about Jesus having
compassion on the multitudes.

658
00:40:26,000 –> 00:40:28,720
And what some people don’t know
about that moment is that was

659
00:40:28,720 –> 00:40:32,480
more than just Jesus being nice
because people will think, oh,

660
00:40:32,960 –> 00:40:35,240
yeah, Jesus was compassionate.
Of course, Jesus was always

661
00:40:35,240 –> 00:40:38,160
compassionate.
But what had happened right

662
00:40:38,160 –> 00:40:42,640
before that is his cousin who he
loved deeply, John the Baptist,

663
00:40:43,040 –> 00:40:46,200
had just been decapitated and
Jesus had just found out, and

664
00:40:46,200 –> 00:40:51,680
his heart was crushed and all he
wanted to do was to get away to

665
00:40:51,720 –> 00:40:53,960
a quiet place of solitude.
And.

666
00:40:53,960 –> 00:40:57,200
Mourn.
And instead of being allowed to

667
00:40:57,200 –> 00:41:01,480
mourn, people followed him,
chased him down, and just said

668
00:41:01,480 –> 00:41:03,000
Jesus.
Jesus, Jesus, He’ll.

669
00:41:03,000 –> 00:41:06,440
Be like any one of us in that
situation would lose our cool.

670
00:41:06,480 –> 00:41:10,960
At the very least, Jesus’s
response was compassion.

671
00:41:10,960 –> 00:41:15,280
But the way that it’s worded, to
me seems to imply it wasn’t,

672
00:41:15,280 –> 00:41:18,120
that Jesus just mustered the
ability.

673
00:41:18,400 –> 00:41:21,280
It was almost like this
compassion filled him, right?

674
00:41:21,280 –> 00:41:23,120
That’s right.
You know, in the midst of his

675
00:41:23,120 –> 00:41:28,360
human mourning and sadness, the
compassion filled him.

676
00:41:28,400 –> 00:41:31,720
And the way Jesus talks about it
later, when his disciples are

677
00:41:31,720 –> 00:41:34,320
like, we can’t do this without
you, He’s like, I’m going to

678
00:41:34,320 –> 00:41:38,200
send a helper and an advocate.
And so this is a gift to us when

679
00:41:38,200 –> 00:41:41,720
we’re talking about love and
when we get to points where we

680
00:41:41,720 –> 00:41:45,640
realize how insufficient our
love is, how limited our ability

681
00:41:45,640 –> 00:41:49,600
to love is, how many conditions
we put on our love, it can seem

682
00:41:49,600 –> 00:41:52,560
hopeless and daunting.
But when we remember that Jesus

683
00:41:52,560 –> 00:41:56,760
sent a a helper and an advocate,
then we can go into the spaces

684
00:41:56,760 –> 00:41:59,480
where God saying, I want you to
love this person and honestly

685
00:41:59,480 –> 00:42:02,720
say, I don’t know how.
I don’t think I have the

686
00:42:02,760 –> 00:42:04,160
strength and I don’t even want
to.

687
00:42:04,160 –> 00:42:07,080
But because you invited me to,
I’m going to go ahead and be a

688
00:42:07,080 –> 00:42:10,120
conduit of your love and let God
love through US.

689
00:42:11,000 –> 00:42:15,480
Let’s say somebody’s listening
and they’re finding something

690
00:42:15,480 –> 00:42:19,720
stirring within them around
fatherlessness, around youth in

691
00:42:19,720 –> 00:42:23,280
the inner city.
What would be your encouragement

692
00:42:23,400 –> 00:42:27,680
for that person as a first step,
particularly if it’s not the

693
00:42:27,680 –> 00:42:32,400
environment that they’re from?
Yeah, fatherlessness impacts

694
00:42:32,480 –> 00:42:38,720
every aspect of society, so if
you don’t think that it’s going

695
00:42:38,720 –> 00:42:41,720
to come to your doorstep, I
believe you’re mistaken.

696
00:42:42,480 –> 00:42:47,200
You know, I don’t want to sound
crass, but sometimes some of

697
00:42:47,200 –> 00:42:50,400
these things have to cross the
track and spill over into other

698
00:42:50,400 –> 00:42:53,440
communities before they are
actually recognized.

699
00:42:53,440 –> 00:42:56,840
You know, this is a community
wide issue.

700
00:42:57,440 –> 00:43:00,400
This is not just in a little
sector of society that I don’t

701
00:43:00,400 –> 00:43:04,360
have to deal with because I’m
more fortunate and and I don’t

702
00:43:04,360 –> 00:43:07,720
live over there, but I actually
it affects the community at

703
00:43:07,720 –> 00:43:11,040
large.
You just turn the news on you,

704
00:43:11,040 –> 00:43:15,080
You know, you you talk about any
area of our society, healthcare,

705
00:43:15,080 –> 00:43:18,040
which is what I’m in.
You talk about healthcare, it

706
00:43:18,040 –> 00:43:21,560
affects healthcare.
You talk about the school

707
00:43:21,560 –> 00:43:24,480
system.
A lot of our teachers, you know,

708
00:43:24,480 –> 00:43:27,720
our teachers can’t teach because
of discipline issues.

709
00:43:28,200 –> 00:43:31,400
You talk about athletics.
You know, a lot of our coaches

710
00:43:31,400 –> 00:43:35,640
have had to become de facto
fathers because these boys don’t

711
00:43:35,640 –> 00:43:40,160
have fathers, You know, So you
talk about any aspect of our

712
00:43:40,160 –> 00:43:43,480
world.
And this issue is pervasive

713
00:43:43,480 –> 00:43:47,440
because it’s worsening.
So there are more and more

714
00:43:47,560 –> 00:43:50,800
people who didn’t have that
father figure there.

715
00:43:51,280 –> 00:43:55,120
So there’s daddy issues,
relationships, you know, a young

716
00:43:55,120 –> 00:43:58,320
girl who didn’t have her father,
she has daddy issues.

717
00:43:58,560 –> 00:44:03,080
She want a male loving figure, a
father figure, or she craves

718
00:44:03,080 –> 00:44:07,760
male companionship.
So I would like people to just

719
00:44:07,760 –> 00:44:12,920
see that we can no longer look
the other way when it comes to

720
00:44:12,920 –> 00:44:17,880
this issue because this is the
issue you talk about.

721
00:44:17,880 –> 00:44:20,040
The government, I’ll give you
example.

722
00:44:20,040 –> 00:44:21,640
They wanted to defund the
police.

723
00:44:22,160 –> 00:44:26,000
Well, if fathers were in the
home, we wouldn’t need so many

724
00:44:26,000 –> 00:44:30,960
policemen in the 1st place.
But if we can get fathers back

725
00:44:30,960 –> 00:44:35,760
in the home, families could
police themselves because I was

726
00:44:35,760 –> 00:44:38,520
more afraid of my dad than
anybody else.

727
00:44:40,240 –> 00:44:42,960
Go get the police.
Just don’t call my daddy.

728
00:44:42,960 –> 00:44:45,400
Whatever you do, please don’t
call him.

729
00:44:46,360 –> 00:44:51,800
So there’s a certain element of
all aspects of our society where

730
00:44:51,800 –> 00:44:56,280
this issue is making an impact
in a negative way.

731
00:44:56,760 –> 00:44:58,880
I think it’s going to get worse
before it gets better.

732
00:44:59,800 –> 00:45:03,240
And the big issue is that, you
know, people have to kind of get

733
00:45:03,240 –> 00:45:06,800
off the political bandwagon, get
off the the government

734
00:45:06,800 –> 00:45:10,640
bandwagon, get off all those
bandwagons and realize that

735
00:45:10,640 –> 00:45:13,720
we’re talking about family.
We’re talking about something

736
00:45:13,920 –> 00:45:19,400
that supersedes politics,
government, and all these other

737
00:45:19,560 –> 00:45:21,920
philosophies that people can
have.

738
00:45:22,280 –> 00:45:25,040
We’re talking about something
that’s so much more important

739
00:45:25,040 –> 00:45:27,360
than that.
We’re talking about the

740
00:45:27,680 –> 00:45:34,480
longevity of society as a whole.
Family is the basic element of

741
00:45:34,480 –> 00:45:38,600
every society.
So when family starts to

742
00:45:39,520 –> 00:45:44,680
disintegrate and start to be a
more decay because of no

743
00:45:44,680 –> 00:45:49,000
familyhood, you start to see
some major problems in society.

744
00:45:50,080 –> 00:45:55,120
And so I, I wish everybody,
Democrats, Republicans,

745
00:45:55,360 –> 00:45:59,920
independents and everything in
between, I wish everybody could

746
00:45:59,920 –> 00:46:05,040
just see the gravity of what
this is doing to our society.

747
00:46:05,880 –> 00:46:07,760
Yeah.
Well, on top of serving

748
00:46:07,760 –> 00:46:12,760
alongside young men, on top of
being a doctor, you’re also an

749
00:46:12,760 –> 00:46:15,760
author.
So tell me about your book and

750
00:46:16,120 –> 00:46:17,640
the other things that you’re
working on.

751
00:46:17,880 –> 00:46:22,600
It’s called Grown Boys.
The subtitle is 7 Baby Steps to

752
00:46:22,600 –> 00:46:24,960
Manhood for a Fatherless
Generation.

753
00:46:25,640 –> 00:46:29,280
You know, when I was initially
writing the book, I was thinking

754
00:46:29,280 –> 00:46:33,600
some objective things that would
help a young man who never had

755
00:46:33,600 –> 00:46:35,520
his dad.
There are several young men who

756
00:46:35,520 –> 00:46:39,080
go to our church and young
women, we’ve never seen their

757
00:46:39,080 –> 00:46:41,720
father except on Facebook, on
social media.

758
00:46:42,360 –> 00:46:47,000
So I was thinking in my mind,
what do they need that would

759
00:46:47,000 –> 00:46:52,200
help them become a man?
And so these seven baby steps we

760
00:46:52,200 –> 00:46:58,880
talk about in the book #1 is
love God #2 is love yourself #3

761
00:46:58,960 –> 00:47:04,040
upgrade your appearance #4 learn
to earn, got to get channel some

762
00:47:04,040 –> 00:47:07,280
money #5 is learn money
management.

763
00:47:07,280 –> 00:47:08,720
Once you get the money, you got
to manage it.

764
00:47:09,160 –> 00:47:16,600
Number six is mature emotionally
#7 is serve someone, become a

765
00:47:16,600 –> 00:47:19,960
servant.
So I feel like if any young

766
00:47:19,960 –> 00:47:25,280
male, all males are not men, any
young male would subscribe to

767
00:47:25,280 –> 00:47:30,200
these seven baby steps, they can
become a full-fledged man and

768
00:47:30,200 –> 00:47:33,920
have the confidence.
That’s the big thing that

769
00:47:34,280 –> 00:47:38,440
affects so many fatherless young
men is they don’t have the

770
00:47:38,440 –> 00:47:42,000
confidence in manhood to stand
alone.

771
00:47:42,280 –> 00:47:45,280
When everybody else is saying
this and saying that and going

772
00:47:45,280 –> 00:47:49,040
here and going there.
Confidence is the biggest factor

773
00:47:49,400 –> 00:47:53,160
that comes from the father.
Fathers give their kids

774
00:47:53,160 –> 00:47:56,640
self-confidence, identity and
direction.

775
00:47:57,560 –> 00:48:02,840
So this book talks about how we
can teach young males who didn’t

776
00:48:02,840 –> 00:48:07,160
have their father to have that
confidence, to have those steps,

777
00:48:07,160 –> 00:48:11,160
that becoming a man and to know
what it really means to be a man

778
00:48:11,960 –> 00:48:16,480
’cause if the enemy can keep the
definition somewhat, keep it

779
00:48:16,480 –> 00:48:19,120
like a moving target of what a
man is.

780
00:48:19,640 –> 00:48:23,320
And trust me, the devil is the
author of confusion and the

781
00:48:23,320 –> 00:48:25,960
father of lies according to the
Bible.

782
00:48:26,640 –> 00:48:32,760
So if he can always keep manhood
target moving, then we’ll never

783
00:48:32,760 –> 00:48:36,760
know.
This book is a not a moving

784
00:48:36,760 –> 00:48:41,440
target.
It’s a target that any male can

785
00:48:41,440 –> 00:48:45,840
hit if he makes the decision to
be a man.

786
00:48:46,920 –> 00:48:49,080
So you got to make a decision to
be a man.

787
00:48:49,160 –> 00:48:50,720
That’s what I talk about in the
whole book.

788
00:48:51,080 –> 00:48:56,880
It’s a decision.
It’s not a normal evolutionary

789
00:48:56,880 –> 00:49:00,000
process that you going to go
from male because you got a

790
00:49:00,000 –> 00:49:02,600
penis and testes you
automatically going to be a man.

791
00:49:03,040 –> 00:49:06,080
It’s not that way.
You got to decide to be a man,

792
00:49:06,800 –> 00:49:11,320
and that’s why I named the book
Grown Boys, because a lot of

793
00:49:11,320 –> 00:49:17,640
grown boys, 30 years old, but
they act 12 and we got to do

794
00:49:17,640 –> 00:49:21,200
something about that.
We cannot afford to continue to

795
00:49:21,200 –> 00:49:24,920
go the way we’re going and
nobody’s doing anything about a

796
00:49:24,920 –> 00:49:29,080
30 year old wearing earrings in
his ears, showing his underwear,

797
00:49:29,080 –> 00:49:31,560
sagging pants with three baby
Mamas.

798
00:49:32,040 –> 00:49:34,800
That’s a grown boy.
That is the definition of a

799
00:49:34,800 –> 00:49:39,200
grown boy.
And so we have to address this

800
00:49:39,400 –> 00:49:43,760
elephant in the middle of the
room, and that’s what we’re

801
00:49:43,760 –> 00:49:47,920
doing in the book.
We also created another question

802
00:49:47,920 –> 00:49:50,680
you had, Paul, what we’re doing.
We also created Mighty Men

803
00:49:50,680 –> 00:49:54,400
Academy.
It’s a kind of a local men’s

804
00:49:54,400 –> 00:49:58,880
group where we meet with young
men, we pair mentors with young

805
00:49:58,880 –> 00:50:02,680
men, and we let them be kind of
like an ongoing mentorship.

806
00:50:03,320 –> 00:50:08,520
But we also do formal Academy at
the church where we have a set

807
00:50:08,520 –> 00:50:11,840
of workshops.
We have a a mechanic’s workshop,

808
00:50:12,000 –> 00:50:15,480
an electrical workshop, a
welding workshop, and several

809
00:50:15,480 –> 00:50:18,160
other workshops where the boys
can migrate through each

810
00:50:18,160 –> 00:50:22,360
workshop and just learn things
that your dad and my dad

811
00:50:22,360 –> 00:50:25,560
probably taught us when we were
10 and 12, how to change a flat

812
00:50:25,560 –> 00:50:29,280
tire, how to use a drill, how to
use a skill saw.

813
00:50:29,280 –> 00:50:33,240
Simple thing is that every young
male, every man needs to know at

814
00:50:33,240 –> 00:50:35,840
some point.
So we do a lot of that.

815
00:50:36,520 –> 00:50:39,800
We take them to the local
college and let them meet with

816
00:50:39,800 –> 00:50:44,040
the vocational directors to try
to get them in college, talk to

817
00:50:44,040 –> 00:50:49,320
them about a CTSATS and just
trying to, you know, be

818
00:50:49,360 –> 00:50:53,120
well-rounded with our approach
with these young men because

819
00:50:53,120 –> 00:50:55,000
they’re coming from behind the 8
ball.

820
00:50:55,680 –> 00:50:58,880
You know, they’re coming from a
place of lack, a place of

821
00:50:58,880 –> 00:51:03,280
poverty, a place of mis
education, misinformation.

822
00:51:03,800 –> 00:51:07,480
So we got to try to, you know,
correct all that to give them to

823
00:51:07,480 –> 00:51:10,440
where they really should be and
then we can kind of really start

824
00:51:10,440 –> 00:51:14,080
to move the needle forward.
So it’s a kind of a dual type,

825
00:51:14,560 –> 00:51:19,640
triple, quadruple type approach,
if you would say, yeah.

826
00:51:20,920 –> 00:51:23,080
And if somebody wanted to get
the book or connect with the

827
00:51:23,080 –> 00:51:25,720
programs, what’s the best way
for them to do that You.

828
00:51:25,720 –> 00:51:28,360
Can find it on on Amazon.
It’s called grown boys.

829
00:51:28,360 –> 00:51:31,600
You also can find it on the
website grownboys.com.

830
00:51:31,840 –> 00:51:36,160
We have our bio on grownboys.com
and we also have information

831
00:51:36,160 –> 00:51:39,560
about Mighty Men Academy on
grownboys.com.

832
00:51:39,880 –> 00:51:43,520
Interesting that we have a
manhood assessment that’s in the

833
00:51:43,520 –> 00:51:45,240
book, but it’s also on the
website.

834
00:51:45,720 –> 00:51:51,160
It’s a self-assessment for every
male to see if you’re a man or

835
00:51:51,160 –> 00:51:54,200
not.
And it’s biblical.

836
00:51:54,440 –> 00:51:56,320
It’s from Second Timothy chapter
3.

837
00:51:56,640 –> 00:52:01,000
And so it talks about some of
the things that really has LED

838
00:52:01,000 –> 00:52:05,000
us to where we are today, you
know, pridefulness, selfishness,

839
00:52:05,240 –> 00:52:08,800
lovers of sales more than lovers
of God, boastful.

840
00:52:08,960 –> 00:52:11,360
So it talks about a lot of
things that men have problems

841
00:52:11,360 –> 00:52:13,760
with.
Pride is one of them,

842
00:52:14,000 –> 00:52:18,880
lustfulness is one of them, and
it evaluates every male on that

843
00:52:18,880 –> 00:52:23,880
scale, on the scale of manhood.
So that’s something kind of neat

844
00:52:23,880 –> 00:52:25,960
that I put in the book.
I thought it would be helpful to

845
00:52:25,960 –> 00:52:28,680
try to help young men just just
learn how to be a man.

846
00:52:30,040 –> 00:52:32,320
And as we close out, yes Sir, is
there anything else you feel

847
00:52:32,320 –> 00:52:34,480
like God’s putting in your heart
that you want to share?

848
00:52:35,080 –> 00:52:39,880
Honestly, I want to encourage
any young male, if you didn’t

849
00:52:39,880 –> 00:52:43,240
have your father or if you felt
like he was not totally engaged

850
00:52:43,240 –> 00:52:47,160
and he was emotionally
uninvolved, God is giving you

851
00:52:47,160 –> 00:52:50,160
all the raw fundamentals to
become a man.

852
00:52:51,000 –> 00:52:55,000
And if you will dig deep enough
and if you will search and you

853
00:52:55,000 –> 00:52:58,800
will find somebody who can help
you, you can step into your

854
00:52:58,800 –> 00:53:02,160
place in life.
And that’s what God wants.

855
00:53:02,440 –> 00:53:05,640
God wants us to become the
person that He always envisions

856
00:53:05,640 –> 00:53:10,080
us to be.
And for every male, God wanted

857
00:53:10,080 –> 00:53:15,480
you to be a man.
You can never be a successful

858
00:53:15,600 –> 00:53:20,920
man if you don’t be a man first.
You get that.

859
00:53:21,520 –> 00:53:24,560
You can never be a man of God
until you be a man.

860
00:53:25,400 –> 00:53:29,880
And so I want to encourage every
young male out there that if you

861
00:53:29,960 –> 00:53:36,120
are a male, God has given you
everything you need to take that

862
00:53:36,120 –> 00:53:39,120
journey to manhood.
This book will help you.

863
00:53:39,840 –> 00:53:43,080
I wouldn’t say it’s in all be
all, but it will help you and

864
00:53:43,080 –> 00:53:45,680
get you on the right track to
making the steps to where you

865
00:53:45,680 –> 00:53:48,520
need to be.
Find a mentor, find a pastor,

866
00:53:48,520 –> 00:53:51,800
preacher, teacher.
Get your Bible study.

867
00:53:51,800 –> 00:53:56,840
Your Bible is loaded.
The Bible is just as practical

868
00:53:56,840 –> 00:53:59,920
as it is spiritual.
So it would give you a lot of

869
00:53:59,920 –> 00:54:03,160
practical information on what it
means to be a man.

870
00:54:06,320 –> 00:54:08,640
Days through the streets,
shouting praise to the world.

871
00:54:08,680 –> 00:54:12,880
You’ll heal.
You’re clean.

872
00:54:12,880 –> 00:54:18,120
Go out and tell the people what
you see.

873
00:54:19,320 –> 00:54:26,080
Revived in him, new life in Him.
Jesus says this in Matthew 7,

874
00:54:26,200 –> 00:54:30,840
beginning in verse 9.
Which of you, if your son asks

875
00:54:30,840 –> 00:54:35,400
for bread, will give him a
stone, or if he asked for a

876
00:54:35,400 –> 00:54:41,320
fish, we’ll give him a snake?
If you then, though you are

877
00:54:41,320 –> 00:54:45,720
evil, know how to give good
gifts to your children, how much

878
00:54:45,720 –> 00:54:50,840
more will your Father in heaven
give good gifts to those who ask

879
00:54:50,840 –> 00:54:55,720
Him?
So in everything, do to others

880
00:54:55,720 –> 00:54:57,480
what you would have them do to
you.

881
00:54:58,080 –> 00:55:01,920
For this sums up the Law and the
prophets.

882
00:55:03,320 –> 00:55:06,640
As Jesus looked at a crowd of
fathers, he knew that they

883
00:55:06,640 –> 00:55:10,160
inherently understood what it
meant to care for their

884
00:55:10,160 –> 00:55:14,800
children, whether it was their
compassion or their morality or

885
00:55:14,800 –> 00:55:17,160
simply their desire to not be a
bad father.

886
00:55:17,160 –> 00:55:20,680
He knew that they would be more
prone to give bread than a stone

887
00:55:20,680 –> 00:55:24,120
fish than a snake.
He recognized that they knew how

888
00:55:24,120 –> 00:55:27,600
to give good gifts to their
children, even though they were

889
00:55:27,600 –> 00:55:30,040
evil.
And then he reminds us of a

890
00:55:30,040 –> 00:55:35,440
reality that Scripture names
often that God is our Father.

891
00:55:37,120 –> 00:55:41,600
How much more will your Father
in heaven give good gifts to

892
00:55:41,600 –> 00:55:45,040
those who ask him?
Scripture not only says that God

893
00:55:45,040 –> 00:55:47,560
is love, but says that he is our
Father.

894
00:55:47,920 –> 00:55:51,360
And there’s something intriguing
about identifying God with this

895
00:55:51,360 –> 00:55:53,880
role.
And when we take these two roles

896
00:55:53,880 –> 00:55:59,280
together, love and father, our
understanding of who he is in

897
00:55:59,280 –> 00:56:03,320
our lives can deepen.
When love is absent from the

898
00:56:03,320 –> 00:56:06,920
life of a child, we can quickly
and easily see the

899
00:56:06,920 –> 00:56:09,840
ramifications.
And when authentic love is

900
00:56:09,840 –> 00:56:13,600
present, the fruit of that can
extend far beyond our

901
00:56:13,600 –> 00:56:18,000
imperfections.
Scripture calls us to love, not

902
00:56:18,000 –> 00:56:22,080
perfectly, because only God can
do that, but as a conduit of his

903
00:56:22,080 –> 00:56:24,520
love.
And this not based on our

904
00:56:24,520 –> 00:56:29,320
understanding or our capacity or
our drive, but as a willingness

905
00:56:29,320 –> 00:56:31,680
to live out the core of
Scripture.

906
00:56:32,400 –> 00:56:35,800
So in everything, do to others
what you would have them do to

907
00:56:35,800 –> 00:56:39,400
you.
For this sums up the law and the

908
00:56:39,400 –> 00:56:42,240
prophets.
When we choose to lean into

909
00:56:42,240 –> 00:56:46,560
spirit LED love, we become
conduits of God in those spaces

910
00:56:46,880 –> 00:56:50,840
and are given the opportunity to
see him move in ways beyond our

911
00:56:50,840 –> 00:56:54,280
understanding.
So consider today whom he might

912
00:56:54,280 –> 00:56:58,640
be calling you to love, and then
ask yourself, where did you see

913
00:56:58,640 –> 00:56:59,080
God?