It’s estimated we make between 33,000 and 35,000 choices every day; what if there is a simple way to find happiness in the midst?

For many, the idea of being responsible for 35,000 choices is overwhelming.  In any given moment, we can feel the pressure of whether or not we made the right choice, and the regret of not knowing what we missed.  Researchers have explored this “Paradox of Choice” or “Choice overload” and its relationship to happiness, and have discovered that the way we tend to pursue happiness can actually have an adverse effect.

I once heard of a study where researches interviewed people getting ice cream from two different parlors; one parlor offered only a few flavors, while the other offered dozens.  As customers finished their dessert, they were asked to rate their happiness with their choice, and discovered that the happiest ones were those who had the fewest choices.

If I’m honest, my default would be to choose the ice cream parlor with more options, thinking that more flavors will increase my chance at happiness, because surely I’ll find the “best” flavor there.  However, most customers at the option-heavy parlor found their happiness impacted before, during, and after their purchase.  Upon arriving, they felt the stress of looking through all of the flavors and wrestling to pick the best.  Once purchased, there was no going back, and their first bite was tempered by anxiety of if it was the right choice.  After — whether they liked the flavor or not — they wondered, “would the other have been better”, or felt regret as they’re friend seemed happier with theirs.

More choice does not mean more happiness; more control doesn’t either.  The hard reality is each of those 35,000 choices we make each day can have innumerable options, leaving us at risk of overload, anxiety, and regret throughout the day; how can we possibly find happiness in the midst?

The Secret to Happiness is surprisingly simple (though not necessarily easy): “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well” (Matthew 6:33)

In all of our 35,000 choices with their innumerable options, God is inviting us to seek Him and trust what He can do from there.

Jesus puts it like this:

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?  And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
Matthew 6:25-34

We know this passage, but it can feel like aspirational Christianeze; it sounds nice, but is unrealistic.  We wish we could worry less, but life is so demanding and our needs so great that letting our guard down can lead to disaster.

On a level, we aren’t wrong, but only because we have latched onto a skewed understanding of reality, the same the “pagans run after” because they don’t know what we (are supposed to) know about God and true reality:

• Life is more than food.  Without food, we die, yet Jesus is saying that life is about more than not dying.  This is perhaps one of the hardest Truths to grasp, because we feel the daily pressures.  Prior to this passage, Jesus confronts their unhealthy obsession with the here-and-now, and he longs for them to glimpse the eternal; there is something greater that he is offering, a “full life”.  Your life is about more than all the things you believe are important, and as a result those are unworthy of your worry.
• You are valuable.  If God takes care of the lesser things of creation, how much more will He care for you?  You are worth His time and engagement, and so there is no need to worry that He will forget or neglect you; He won’t.
• Worry does not add to your life.  In fact, not only does it not add a single hour, chronic stress could cut years off your life.  Our efforts to control our choices tends to have an adverse impact, and so worry is not a wise tool to wield.
• Your Father knows what you need. For those that do not believe God is Provider, their is a logical belief that it is on us to keep ourselves going.  Kids don’t usually hold this mindset, because they know their parent will take care of them; what if we trusted our Father in the same way?  As Jesus puts it in verse 8, “Do not be like [those that don’t know God], for your Father knows what you need before you ask him.”  Worry feels like a safety net, but we don’t need it because God is actually looking out for us.
• There is only one choice we need to make: towards God or not.  This is the core of the Secret of Happiness; instead of stressing over the best or right choice, we can ask, “Which option is a step toward God?”  When we know it, we then take the step, even if it doesn’t make sense; we don’t have to worry about the rest, because it ultimately doesn’t matter compared to knowing Him.

If the Secret to Happiness is seeking God in each moment, what does that look like practically?

• Practice with the small choices.  Does God have a divine plan for what shirt you wear tomorrow?  Perhaps not, but it does not mean you can’t seek Him in that small choice.  Learning to “seek Him first” in the little things can build up the muscle-memory and understanding for when the big choices arrive.
• Embrace a different metric of success.  We tend to think in terms of right and wrong choices, but sometimes that’s simply not the case.  In the example of the ice cream, multiple options could be equally good.  Success when seeking God is not based on cracking the code to find the right answer, but being able to respond “yes” to the question, “Did I authentically try to seek God?”  Sometimes the choice doesn’t matter at all, because choosing God was everything.
• Release the expectation that God owes you an answer.  We will pray and pray for God to tell us what to choose and get frustrated when He doesn’t, but in those moments He is actually graciously patient with us.  (2 Peter 3:9)  Our desire for God to tell us what to do cripples us; He has actually enabled us to step toward Him even when we have no clue what’s next (ie. Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego.)  If God doesn’t tell you what to choose, then respond in whatever way seems most in line with Him.
• Daily confess that we seek things other than God.  We are always being guided by something, and if it’s not God, it is something else.  By admitting this, we diminish their power over us.  Our lives are filled with proficient guides — fear, money, control, power, comfort, reputation, safety — and each will always fall short of the full-life God created us for.
• Choose to believe “happiness” can exist amidst unfavorable conditions.  By default we believe happiness can only exist if all elements of our situation are good, and our pursuit of happiness entails avoiding or eliminating anything bad.  At some point we learn our limited-ability to do this, and can come to believe happiness is impossible.  Meanwhile, verse like James 1:2-4 indicate “pure joy” can exist alongside trials.  In other words, just because happiness seems impossible does not mean it is.

To be honest, “happiness” is a tricky word to define, and knowing how it connects with “contentment” and “joy” takes more than one blog reading; in fact, I’m growing convinced that understanding of this will not come intellectually, but experientially as we choose to “seek first” in more and more areas of life.  The more we learn how limited all the other things are at bringing true happiness, the less we struggle in vain to control them; the more we learn what brings true happiness, the less we resist and reject the “foolishness of God.”

I write this as I navigate my own unhappiness, yet I’m aware how much my emotions are tied to my human longing, and how I’m leaning into my understanding rather than into Him.  My kids are often unhappy, not because their lives are devoid of happiness, but because their understanding of life and needs is severely limited; their frustration that they can’t have a second dessert can carry more weight than the reality of my love and provision for them.

My lack of happiness, then, isn’t on God, but on me; fortunately, He is patient with me as I spiritually mature.

When God becomes our first and soul pursuit, we will have truly discovered the Secret to Happiness.

Delight yourself in the Lord,
and he will give you the desires of your heart.
Psalm 37:4