Hebrews 13:5
Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have. For He Himself has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”2 Corinthians 12:9–10
And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
God has been really speaking to me about contentment and surrender lately—for many different reasons. If you have been keeping up with my blogs, you probably know I love writing fiction stories. As I have been writing for about the past ten or so years, I realized that I process my own situations through my characters. While I am learning about surrender and contentment, it made it easy to write a scene in my newest story, Birds of a Feather. In this story the three main characters are Hildy, June, and Torence. They have been best friends since childhood. Together they started a bed and breakfast in a small town in Maine. While the truth Hildy’s friend Torence shares with her applies to specific situation — redefine what contentment is after a breakup with a man who was not very kind to her — it is applicable in many different situations.
~~~
It seemed a visible cloud hung over Hildy’s head for the next couple of weeks. She would smile and be friendly to everyone, but her manner was more subdued than normal. Sometimes you could tell it was just an act. She started to keep to herself, not hanging out with the others as much. And she started to be late to work and other things, as if she were running by a different clock entirely—a much slower clock.
Torence locked his door and came around the side of the house and out the gate. (He lives in an apartment under where his friends live.) He was heading to get coffee as usual. Hildy sat on the cement porch stairs tying her shoes. He leaned on the railing beside her.
“Hello. Getting your coffee?” she asked.
“Yep,” he stayed there watching her.
“Did you want to tell me something?”
“No. Just thought I would walk with you, since we are off at the same time.”
“Oh.”
“Shall we?”
She just shrugged, fixing her socks that had slid too far down in her shoes.
He came around and offered her his hand, helping her to her feet. “Madam,” he teased with a dramatic bow and flourish of his hand.
She rolled her eyes at him. What a ridiculous guy, she thought. But she knew he was only trying to lighten her mood and make her smile.
He walked beside her in silence, his hands in his pockets.
The sweet smell of the breeze and its coolness was refreshing. This silence also seemed to bring a calm over her spirit. His presence was a comfort, and it made her feel safe—anchored, or something. She could not put a word to it really. She had been feeling as if she were walking in a dream or fog. Nothing had felt real. Thoughts popped in and out of her head, but they did not seem like her own. She had not been thinking straight. Everything seemed jumbled or forgotten. But hearing his footsteps and feeling his presence brought her back to reality somehow.
He walked closer to her, nudging her with his elbow.
She looked up at him, giving him a faint smile.
“Want to talk about it?” he asked.
She sighed. “I… well, I feel a little better today.”
“That’s good.”
When she did not continue, he asked, “So, what has been going through your head? You seem like you have really been fighting through some things. You know you can tell me anything, and it would probably not sound crazy. I had to break up with my fiancée twice now, you know?”
She began to kick the stones on the pavement as she walked. “It’s a lot of different things really. I’m not quite sure where to start.”
He waited silently for her to collect her thoughts.
Finally, she tried, “I don’t want to be thirty or older when I find the right guy. It’s so irritating that guys really don’t have to worry as much about that. You’re so lucky, you know. I want to be able to have kids and also not be too old to have the energy for them. Why do we as women have to worry about being too old? But even without thinking about kids, I still don’t want to actually be old when I marry. How patient do I have to be? I am enjoying my single life. I really am. I was also very content, but the hope of more changes everything. And when things fail, how am I supposed to be okay with that? There is no hope and now, there is no contentment either.
“Then there are all the dumb lies that say, ‘Oh, no one will ever love you. You’re not pretty enough. You are too much. Maybe there is not a guy for you. You are supposed to stay single all along. Maybe you made a mistake years ago and broke up with your true love, never giving him a chance. You are still in the wrong kind of place to meet him.’ All kinds of lies—but they seem so real.
“And now, I have to watch June all giddy over Charales. How he talks to her and interacts with her. I want to be happy for them, but it makes me want to cry.” Even as she spoke, her voice cracked. She took a deep breath and fell silent again. “I knew you did not like the guy I was dating. But it felt nice to be liked and flattered for once. And part of me wonders if there was anything better for me. At least he liked me. For once I was almost okay with just settling.”
Did he grunt just now? She looked up at him. His jaw was clenched and looked as if he were holding himself back from giving her a lecture. She paused, waiting for him to speak, but he didn’t. They turned the corner and the bed and breakfast came into view. They would part ways soon. He stopped walking and gazed at it.
“Would you like to join me for coffee this morning? Hannah is opening this morning, so you don’t really need to be there yet. And we don’t have any guests this week. Come. Let’s take the morning slow.”
Knowing he was meaning to talk longer, she followed. He got the café door for her, and they walked in.
“My treat. Get anything you want,” he said.
“Aw, that’s so sweet. Thanks, Torence. It’s already working.”
“What’s working?” He glanced at her.
“You making me feel better.”
“It’s as easy as free coffee, ha?” He raised an eyebrow.
“Well, and you just being here for me and listening. But yes, I’m excited about coffee,” she added, “since somebody limited my experimenting at our café.” She turned away from him in exaggerated annoyance.
“Hum, and I wonder what the reason for that was?” he said, turning her back around.
“How should I know?” she smiled.
They ordered and found a spot in a corner with the tall table and chairs for two.
“So, what were you wanting to say?” she asked, getting back to the reason she had followed him all the way here.
“Just because I had a lot of thoughts does not mean I should say them. Besides, they would all seem cliché and not mean anything right now. I do understand, though, most of what you are feeling. The lies become all you can hear sometimes.” He took a sip of his coffee. “But what is your hope in?” he asked thoughtfully.
“What do you mean?”
“It’s something I have been learning recently. My hope can’t be caught up in circumstances—or people, in your case. You said you were content. But contentment is also not circumstantial. Or at least shouldn’t be. God said, be content with such things as you have, for He said He would never leave you nor forsake you. You see, your contentment is not from things. It is from His presence never leaving you. It is founded in the basis of your trust in His character and His Word. Not in whether or not you will marry and have a family or fulfill your dreams in life. It’s in your trust in Him for whatever story He is writing for you. That whatever it is, He loves you. That He knows what is best for you and the glory He wants to bring Himself through you—if only you will let Him.
“Your hope is in Him alone. So that whatever happens—pleasant or not, dream or not—you are founded on Him to weather anything with joy for the sake of His name, not yours. Your joy comes from Him getting the glory He deserves, not from getting your dreams. When that is the focus, I have to believe your dreams turn into the dreams He has on His heart.”
Tears slid down her face, and she clenched her hands together in front of her face. He watched, not sure what he had said to make her cry. He figured she would tell him.
“Hildy?” he encouraged.
“But what if He does not want me to get married?”
He sighed, leaning forward and slipping his hands around his plastic coffee cup. “A little while ago God asked me if I could surrender that to Him. If I never married, would I be okay with that? To surrender it completely—that was hard. To say for sure that if I never married or had a family, I would be okay with that. It was actually painful.”
“Oh, Torence, I can’t. I could never say that,” she sobbed.
“It took me a while. But I also do believe God will give me someone. Surrendering does not mean giving up hope. It is transferring the hope you have in something to the Person who is writing your story. Surrendering to His timing and His way of even making it happen. But hoping in Him to know what you need most—with or without a spouse.”
She placed her head in her folded arms on the table and sobbed quietly.
He sat there awkwardly, knowing this would pass. She would be okay. He was sure. She would just need some time. Time with the Lord…
~~~
So, what is the season you are in? In what ways are you feeling discontent? Are you like these two, where you are single and don’t want to be? Is your job not what you wanted? Is your family dynamic changing? Are your friends moving? Are you feeling restless in your spirit? Or is something else not going as you planned or dreamed?
What Torence shared with Hildy is something we need to process and think over in our own lives. Where is your hope found? What is your contentment based on?
I am going to leave you to think on these things for this week, and next week I’ll share with you my story of how God is teaching me this in my own life. Have a good week everyone.
