Hebrews 11:1
Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.

Romans 10:17
So then faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.

Faith is a tricky thing, isn’t it?

Recently, God has been teaching me what trusting Him looks like: it is putting your full, unguarded trust in Him. But in that, He’s also been teaching me what faith is.

Lately, God has been asking me to let go of control in my life—whether that means controlling the day I’m living in, trying to make God plan my future the way I would, or even trying to control how He works in my life. I was also trying to control where I wanted Him to work and what I wanted my sanctification journey to look like. The crazy thing is, I was so blind to it—blind to the fact that my desires were telling Him how to fix me. Not only was I trying to control my own life, I was trying to control Him.

Yes, I want to look like Christ, to be a light to the people around me, to step out and do crazy things outside my comfort zone without fear for Christ. I’m not saying those things are wrong or that God doesn’t want those things for me, but it must be done His way and in His timing. I must trust that His grace covers everything else, even where I fall short. I must trust that He loves me just as I am, even right now. I must trust that even now His righteousness covers all of me, even the parts I don’t like. I think I finally understand what it means when Paul quotes God saying, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” (2 Corinthians 12:9)

Now, I’m going to be honest with you—even though I know this is the wrong mindset, I felt I was justified in my complaints and accusations about His timing and His plans. Looking back at my past, I can say I don’t always appreciate how God does things. I don’t always like how long He takes to heal the things that hurt me, or how long it takes to teach me how to break out of the sin I know He hates. I even see times when I felt like He wasn’t there—times when I cried out to Him and it felt like He didn’t hear me.

A friend told me I sounded like Job; on my end, I would say I probably had the wrong heart, unlike Job. God answered Job with: Who are you? I am God. I’m not going to lie—it made me angry that this was His answer. Not “This is why I did these things,” or “This is where I was,” or even “This is what I was trying to teach you.”

Like everyone, I have two choices: I either have to accept that God is God and trust Him, or walk away. Growing up and seeing how other people have walked away from the Lord—and the results of it—it is completely undesirable. After looking at Scripture, knowing God’s plans and thoughts are greater than mine (Isaiah 55:8–9), even though I can’t see His bird’s-eye view, I have to trust Him. I must trust that what He says about Himself throughout Scripture is true for my life—not just for the people in Scripture or the lives of those around me.

Exodus 34:6–7a
The Lord passed before him and proclaimed, “The Lord, the Lord, a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness, keeping steadfast love for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin…”

He does not have to prove Himself to me. Even in my own life, looking back, there are many ways I see His handiwork. He’s protected me in car accidents. He has been retraining unhealthy thought patterns and perspectives in my life. He is teaching me how to bring everything to Him—all of my emotions and all of my problems. I have countless answered prayers. He has even shown me how He pursues me. I really should not need more proof than that. In fact, the very word translated as good from Hebrew in Psalm 136 means lovingkindness, mercy, kindness, goodness, pity, and favor all at the same time.

I was talking with the Lord one day, telling Him all the problems I had with trusting Him. “How can I trust You when I don’t know what Your version of good looks like? You said we will go through hard times. And what about those times before? How can I walk forward without answers?”

God answered me with this: “Put faith in the gap. That is what faith is.”
In the places I don’t understand, in the places I don’t know how to trust Him yet, or in the places my beliefs haven’t made it to my heart yet—that is where faith fits.

I am choosing to walk in faith and trust that God is who He says He is. I am praying that God will change my heart so I can walk this out in love, not out of duty or resentment. I am choosing to declare what I know is true: God is faithful. God is trustworthy. God is good. God is just. God is kind. He promises to never leave or forsake us. I am trusting that His grace is sufficient in every mistake, sin, or wrong attitude. And that He will continue to work in my heart and reveal sin, lies of the enemy, and wrong motives—and show me how to walk like He would.

I am sharing this to hopefully encourage you if you are walking through something similar. You are not alone. I am twenty-seven and have known and loved the Lord for most of my life. Even so, we still walk through times when God is calling us deeper into trusting Him—or times when our own will and desires get in the way. But maybe God is inviting you to take a leap, die to yourself and your own desires, and trust that whatever God has for you is better than your plans and for your character growth. Take a wild leap and choose to believe that the hurt you experienced in the past does not change who God is or His promises to you.

And if you don’t know what those promises are, look them up. Explore in the Bible does it say God is good, or just, or merciful. These things are a choice. It is your choice to step out like Abraham did—not knowing where God would lead, just believing that He would, even without fully knowing who God was (at least as far as we can tell from the culture he came from).

Please let us know what you find when you look up God’s promises or characteristics, and let us all be encouraged by what you find. Have a good week.